An Old Year…

1.What did you do in 2003 that you’d never done before? oh dear…vistited a prison, lived away from home, played flute, drank tequilla, smoked pot, made love to an incredible man(in that order, lol)

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i didn’t make one last year, but this year i’ll proably have a few.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my neighbor, and yeah, jean (scary.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? yeah, i guess you could say that. today is six months…

5. What countries did you visit? aw, i suck at traveling.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? maturity, more tears and less drama, dicipline, and a better body.

7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 19- easter Vigil mass and realizing how much I adore Bob, and always will.

June (something)- Prom, and getting back together with Scott. I knew it would never work, but damn I wanted it to. I wish…I just wish he knew how much I loved him.
June 5- graduation.
June 20-27- the best Laurel of my life, with Westerberg, Kendall and Paul, falling for Sean in spite of myself, and feeling him hold me the one moment in my life when I needed it the most. I don’t think he even knows that one hug was what helped me survive the next week.
June 29- The day my father died. and then a few days later, the funeral and Dan crying on my shoulder, apologizing for two years of silence.

July 23- The day Scott left. I haven’t seen him since, or healed from whatever kind of relationship it was that we had.
October 2- Thankful being home.
November 14- the day i gave Jesse my heart.
December 18- the day i gave Jesse my body.
December 24/25- the first christmas without my dad, wearing his tie to church and playing my heart out.
December 27- a really fucking awesome rane show.
December 28- my birthday and all the tears that came with it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? surviving my first semester of college with all the mistakes I made and the lonliness it brought, finding jesse

9. What was your biggest failure? betraying scott, not being a better musician/student.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? does grief count?

11. What was the best thing you bought? a new clarinet.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Ken and Vanessa got engaged recently, my sister has been awesome in SO many ways.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Matt’s and Lindsay’s (my old roomate) appalled me. My own depressed me.

14. Where did most of your money go? school and school related things.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? graduating, college, laurel, jesse, boston (dave), tori, concerts, passing fundamental theory, welch pianits, travis, dave(‘cuz i love him lots), seeing thankful again, holding teresa for the first time in too long, and yeah, jesse.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003? i could probably name a song for every day.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? sadder

ii. Thinner or fatter? fatter. by about 12 pounds.

iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer by a LOT as far as money, richer by a little as far as things i’ve learned and scars i’ve earned.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? taken time to study, learn about myself, and really put effort into the things i care about. stayed up late talking to my dad instead of leaving him to watch TV every night alone. been honest with myself about who i love and why. gotten to know caroyln, jim, adrienne, and that whole crowd a lot better. prayed.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? less hiding and less manipulating/hurting others. less procrastinating.

20. How did you spend Christmas? playing in church, and then at my brothers, pretending it really felt like a holiday.

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2003? nothing too bad, actually. at least i can’t think of anything offhand.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003? still falling, harder than ever before.

23. How many one-night stands? too many. well, actually, most of them happened more than one night. yeah. so that could go under the embarrasing list. but no sex. i’m not that much of a slut.

24. What was your favorite TV program? CSI

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? not hate. but i’ve lost respect for a few people.

26. What was the best book you read? Atonement by Ian McEwen was good, as was the Piers Anthony book I read. And yes, The Smoke Jumper by Nicholas Evans. but best of all…The Gashlycrumb Tinies, by Edward Gorey.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? missing marcus rocks a lot, and i now listen to jason mraz and ben folds a lot more. I think I had an orgasm at rane last saturday, too. http://www.thesoundofrane.com and http://www.thefeed.com. go there. now.

28. What did you want and get? my license, a new beginning

29. What did you want and not get? a computer, a chance at a real relationship with Scott. I failed at that, badly.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Return of the King

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 18 yesterday. I went shopping at Barnes and Noble, went out to dinner and saw Mona Lisa Smile.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? just one thing. and yeah. i can’t talk about it.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? cheap and boy-ish.

34. What kept you sane? Tori, Mr. Duffy, Mr. B, my piano, Teresa, Laurel, God and Dave. a whole lot of Dave. and a little bit of Jesse.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Tori

36. What political issue stirred you the most? premonition sucks. and that’s all i have to say about that.

37. Who did you miss? scott, every single day since he left. i miss teresa a whole helluva lot while at school. and then there’s that whole father thing. yeah, i miss him, too.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Dave is my new best friend, literally. I love him so much. I think Travis has to be one of the coolest people I’ve ever met as well, but “best” is swept away by Jesse.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: be true to those you love, always, no matter how tough or how unpleasant. Nothing is more painful then losing two people in a year and knowing that they both, at some point, doubted how much you loved them. Do the dirty things that no one else wants to do. Stick with them when no one else is around, even if you’re forty million miles away. The things that suck the most are the things that really prove that you love someone. And pray, because no matter how much life sucks, God is always with you. My life is a living testament to that, however un-Christian I may be.