*yawn*

 Well. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the Net. So many things have happened; I would’ve made more entries if I could. Nowadays, whenever I do something, I think of writing it on OD at the end of the day. Guess this diary thingy sparks an interest in me, hm.

There’s so much on my mind at the moment, I don’t know which one to write about. Not to mention it’s already 11PM. I feel tired. Mentally, that is. Why? I don’t recall doing anything mindblowing today…yet I feel so drained. Maybe it’s because of these little concerns which keep piling up? I should stop hitching on long bus rides from now on. When I’m traveling and have nothing better to do, the voice inside my head makes tons of conversations about the most menial problem and expands it. Yay.

So, hm. I’m on the bed at the moment. Guess what’s laying right beside me.

*dun dun duuuun*

It’s my keyboard/organ/electric piano. I dunno what it’s called, really.
Why is it here?
Beats me.
… Just kidding.

You see, I’ve been thinking (everyone does, duh. Lulz)… What is my worth as a person? What can I do? What am I capable of? And I re-evaluated myself during the bus ride earlier today. I thought, I was average. Maybe less. I don’t have anything remarkable to show off. Plus, my hair style is just messed up.

Lawlwut, back to the point. So I’m not satisfied with myself. How ungrateful, no? I should be happy that I’m not ill with some weird disease, that I have functioning limbs, and whatnot. But, meh. I’ve become conscious about the standards society has established. I thought, I need to become someone important. Someone society needs. Someone society will be proud of.

And I was like, LAWL WTH. I AIN’T GOT SUPAH POWERS. SO WUT NAO.

So. I thought of something. How about acquiring a new skill? Yes, I’m an RPG player. You get EXP and stuff like that in real life. At least that’s how I see things. Well, I thought of expanding my horizons (again) by trying to learn how to play the piano. Properly, this time.

Imagine my horror when I attempted to play songs I used to know and ended up horribly. It was…just sad. So sad, I verbally apologized to the instrument. And yes, I treat my things like that. Haha, please don’t judge me. lmao

On a different note, I decided to leave my RPing account on a looooong hiatus. I realized that RPing takes so much of my time, especially my weekends. It may have given me lots of friends, made my English a lot better, made me feel good about myself, and may have inspired me with drawings and living life positively. But in the end I will have done nothing. Just…sitting there in front of the monitor, occasionally laughing to myself, getting up only when it’s time to eat or to take a bath.

I had to give it up somehow. I can control myself, of course. But…RPing becomes a responsibility when you get involved. You need to be there when there’s an ongoing story happening. You’ll never know when an enemy is going to ambush your comrades. Most of all, you’ll miss out when you’re gone for a day or so. I can’t have that. 

I’ll admit, RPing has been one of the best things that happened to me. Sounds pitiful, hm? But, really. I’ve found great friends in there. Even fell in love once. I am greatly dismayed that things have come to this. All because I’m some self-conscious fool who is willing to give up friendship just for some time to ‘develop myself into a better person’. Ah, the irony.