A title.

 Ah, the night before classes resume. I must say I’ve held much regret on things that I have and have not done during this short vacation. "Time wasted enjoying is not wasted at all," quoted by J. Lennon (I can’t be sure). Ever since I’ve heard of it, it has become part of my beliefs. However…did I really enjoy myself? Oftentimes I find myself cursing about the slow internet speed, getting bored of the RPGs I play, losing interest with drawing… How shameful.

If I must be honest with myself… I’d say I do not feel fulfilled this holiday season. I wanted to talk to my wife…or my assuming partner, if you would. I remember the time we’ve spent together exactly a year ago. Despite my faltering memory, it is one of those moments that I can miraculously recall. I am glad to do so.

But then… I never had the chance to speak to her this Christmas. And yes, on New Year’s Eve, too. I feel somewhat empty. Though she merely is a friend, there is still something about her that gives me a sense of completeness. Perhaps it is because she is one of the few remaining remnants of my RPing past. Everything else just vanished– like the passion I used to be so proud of.

Now that Internet has gotten better, I wonder if I ought to return to Facebook and drop by. But…it’s too late now. There is no point in coming back at such a bad time. I have to get up early tomorrow. If I do go back there right now, I’ll end up speaking to her and Angelique for hours… something I wish to do, but uncertain to carry out.

So now I spoil my regrets with refusal from fixing my things for tomorrow. I do not wish to ruin my mood with the sight of my notes and study materials. Everything I shall take care of tomorrow. Weekends are for my pleasure. Though I know this sounds quite childish and a huge waste of time… I shall abide by it. My twisted way of thinking does not easily condone to common logic. I hate myself for this at times.

At the moment, I have the urge to draw a story. That is right. I had never been fond of writing stories, anyway. How ironic for me to write all these paragraphs and yet to claim this. … I was thinking of creating manga. It’s Japanese-style comics. This feeling I have is a result of watching anime which had patterned my drawing style from back then. But I am afraid I will only end up copying its story… My ideas are too similar to its script. Shame on me.

Well… I can’t draw now. I refuse to turn on the lights. I find them annoying. Wish I had a study lamp instead… Reminds me, I drew a little something in commemoration of the date 1/1. It depicts Final Fantasy I’s main protagonist and antagonist– Warrior of Light and Garland respectively. Though it is a little disturbing… Garland holding Salv’s own sword against the warrior himself. It was fun to draw– stayed up late until 3 in the morning, with the aid of my laptop’s illumination; not minding the loud cracks and booms of fireworks.

I still have a long way to go with drawing. When I look at the partially finished sketch, I always find it dull and lifeless. I want to draw something which conveys strong emotion– something which can captivate the eye. I just cannot seem to take hold of such perspective.