had no idea it had been so long
its crazy… so much has been happening…
i don’t know what is wrong with me but I need to snap out of it… ever since I went to Ireland, I just have no motivation to do things… like I don’t want to learn anymore… I just want to sleep and not do anything… my thirst for knowledge is not thriving right now and I really need it to be… I just got a new job that requires a lot of self educating but I just do not have the drive to do it… why i don’t know… i try to site and read something but my eyes just glaze over the page…
not to mention I am trying to figure out my life and where it is going both educationally and professionally and I am just all confused…I fell like I need to start over but I don’t know if I have the mental capacity to do that do that. another part of me thinks that it would be really good for me to start over in order to get my drive back…
I just cant get over the fact that I wish I never ran… I wish I never came to Philadelphia in the first place. I wish I would have gone to Chicago. It would have been such a better fit for me at that point in my life. I got to Philly and I got lazy. I earned a Master’s degree that did not require me to think or use any higher level brain power. I will say I am much better writer but I did not need to spend $98,000. To do it… It just sucked bc I was so ready for vigor and difficult course work and I think I took about 14 pages worth the notes in all 2 years combined… I would go to class and listen and that’s it. The majority of what I did was give my opinion. No scientific evidence really needed… then I graduated… went to Ireland and tried to get back into that intensive way of thinking and I just could not do it… for the life of me I would try to organize myself in many different ways but I would still forget things. I just couldn’t get my mojo back. Then it was compounded by moving to Chicago and needing even more energy and intensity and just not having it either… I miss it there so much and want to move back so badly but who knows…
I’m trying to start over but we shall see what happens. I’m not too sure yet.