Let Your Nerd Flag Fly

So I combed through my Myspace account and finally found the part of a blog I had written in which I had composed a death scene for Jar Jar Binks.  It’s still just as delightful.  I should totally send this off to the guys who do Robot Chicken.  The following is an excerpt with context:

"Cinemax I think has been playing all of the Star Wars recently, and I sat down and watched Phantom Menace again while I was folding clothes or something.  So for no reason at all, I started wondering just what in the hell George Lucas was thinking when he wrote Jar Jar Binks into that damn movie.  Ironically, he turns out to be sort of a pivotal character in the series, but damn, why does he have to be so irritating?  So I drift on until suddenly I find myself constructing a scene where Jar Jar commits suicide.  Picture this if you will:

Fade up on a dollying shot (rolling in a circle as opposed to moving left or right) of a dimly lit Senate apartment.  Things are in disarray, food is left out and rotting, robes strewn about.  As the camera moves more, you see a faint flickering, and some audio fades up.  The ghostly image of a holographic Jar Jar Binks comes into view.  It’s archive footage of his Senate speech where he gives emergency powers to the chancellor.  The camera moves past a table strewn with various news items.  A quick focus in shows various headlines: "Clone Army Of The Republic Approved Unanimously", "Senator Amidala Found Dead", "Jedi No Longer A Threat". The camera continues to move, passing a "Senator Of The Month" certificate signed by the Emperor and Darth Vader.  A seated figure begins to materialize out of the darkness.  We finally see Jar Jar Binks, lit by the flickering white hologram, weeping uncontrollably as he watches his speech.  He’s wearing a stained wife-beater shirt and boxer shorts.  In one hand he’s clutching a nearly empty bottle of Gungan Fire Water.  The other hand is not quite visible.  The camera moves behind Jar Jar and travels down his arm to his other hand.  It rests on a small table and is holding a blaster.  As the speech reaches its conclusion, you see the hand lift off of the table.  Underneath it is a small hand written note.  The camera focuses in on the note and you see there are only two words written.

"Mesa Sorry"

There’s one flash and the sound of a blaster being fired.  The camera fades out.  Thus ends Jar Jar Binks. 

So, yeah, I did do a "what if" about that scene when Revenge of the Sith came out, but not quite in the detail I did today.  And really, I’m not a proponent of suicide.  I just wanted to make all the Star Wars purists that live in that world constantly to squirm a little bit.

And the nerd flag continues to flap in the breeze.