Thanks

to you guys who left notes <3 Appreciate it.

It’s been a fucking month. I feel like shit. My immune system has crapped out on me and Muzz is still so indifferent. I feel invisible and urgh. I know three years isn’t much to some but, I really thought I would mean something to him still.

I was doing so well. Went away with my parents to help them find a place to rent 4 hours away with no phone signal or internet. I didn’t contact him in five days and felt pretty damn good about it. A fucking measly five days. Then we arranged to meet up while I was in London for the day (stupid shitty half hour degree show meetings) and seriously. I was so cheerful and happy, and I really felt that way. Since then everything has changed. I feel so sad, I miss him all the time.

I’m applying for jobs and planning my life, but I really really wanted him to be in it. I don’t understand how he can just carry on. Like I was never there. I know that the way I’m going he’ll never ever miss me really, let alone wanting me back. *sigh.

I’m so pathetic.

Need to man up.

So going to throw myself at my fit (but totally useless) Uni tutor at the degree show private view. Just don’t care.

On the other hand. Check out my website. It’s pretty shit but the best I can do for now:

http://www.clemillustrates.co.uk

EDIT: The reason I feel so crap about it is, basically yesterday I sent a message saying that just in case the world ends today (jokes) I love you. Then he was like, "Please try not to…x"
 Today I said that today is struggle, I miss you, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t need you I just really want you. I’m trying to stop, I promise.

Obviously he didn’t reply. So I said to please excuse that message. gremlins in my system.
still no reply. So I left it, sent him an email with photos of my degree project in it, as I’d promised when we’d met before. He didn’t even acknowledge it so I sent a text saying what i thought about that. And yeah. Got messy a bit.

It’s all ended on shit.

Fucked my chances. I’m such a fucking loser.