Stress

I thought it would go away after the hand in of my final uni project yesterday, and moving out of the room that Muzz and I shared. I really don’t know what to do with my feelings. Some days I feel like I still really love him, others I think it’s a reaction from being dumped and I don’t really. Then, maybe that’s just repressing emotions I’m not allowed to feel anymore…

The whole thing was just so sudden. Reading things he wrote to me even at the beginning of term.. It’s just so hard to understand how he could just switch off loving me..

That stupid girl Kate made him the middle man, asking him to tell me to apologise to her. Why? Stupid bitch. She deserves all my scorn. Who does she think she is? What does she think will happen if she fucks someone who is mentally ill and fancies her when she’s not interested. ARGH. So cross. I’d tell her to go fuck herself if it would help, but I worry about Muzz. Suicide and that stuff.

I still hope that in a few months he’ll realise he misses me.. I believe I WAS good for him, and he must love me still somewhere inside.. After all, we had that super chemistry to begin with, there’s nothing stopping it..

I think I need to become independent. Get a job, get a flat/room somewhere South East London, show him I’m my own person and maybe he’ll love me really again… Maybe he won’t, but at least that way I’m more likely to find someone new… Preferably rich and mentally sound…?

The problem is right now, that despite Uni stress is over, and moving out stress is not quite over, I keep getting stomach aches and stuff.. Tired.

If anyone has ANY advice or word of wisdom as to how I should deal with his.. PLEASE DON’T HOLD BACK!

Thanks a lot!! <3