It’s been a while.

So here I am. Again.

I’m alone. Again. I probably deserve it. I must be going wrong somewhere. Although I know things could be so much worse, it’s little comfort. I’m an attention whore and that is fact.

So. T and I still sleep together. It’s nice though. To be so close still. But. I made out with M. This hot and awesome friendly guy I met when I met T. They were neck and neck in my affections but T made the first move, so he got me. Rather than M.

There’s always been something between us though. M and I. T has always been a bit worried that something would go on, and if he knew, he’d never speak to me again. It should be ok, since M isn’t interested in a relationship whilst he’s off at University. And I know T and I won’t get together unless we’re both still interested in eachother after University.

So now T has gone back to his University and M is going tomorrow. I hate being alone. A lot. I mean. Away from Family type alone is good. I’m wearing thin under the pressure my mother puts on for affection that I can’t give her. I’m sorry, to her, that I’m not who she wants and needs me to be. But I need to escape soon. I need to get out.

I need someone to rescue me. Something not cheesy like D was. He was a shithead no doubt about it. He swept me off my feet and he fed me the words I wanted to hear. It was all bollocks. I was too easy. But I still am. If someone came along and wrote me the letter D wrote to me. I’d be putty in his hands again. I just. I just need someone. I’m so fucking lonely and on my own. I don’t want these people around me. Hanging on my back. Keeping me here. Needing from me. Why am I not allowed to need? Why am I not allowed to have emotion?

Just fuck this.

Ps. Happy New Year <3