the evils of food

So back to xmas. Basically it started off fine, then by tea time on xmas day it all went wrong. Mum wanted to know what i wanted for tea, i was already feeling fat as hell from xmas dinner, so i said i just wanted salad. she then listed a massive list of things i could have with the salad – meat, crisps, dips etc etc, and i said i just wanted salad, so she absolutely went off on one, got in the most horrific mood, and it ended with me, mum and dad all sitting in separate rooms for the rest of xmas, in silence except for when dad would go try to calm mum down when they’d just yell at each other than retreat into silence again. so i spent xmas evening crying in my room. then there was a power cut, which actually was good in that i got to hide out in my bed and it at least got mum and dad talking to each other again.

it kinda continued into boxing day with mum being very iffy with me. so it kinda ruined the whole of xmas and all due to food. i decided the only way out of it really was to pretend to be ill, since that’s a valid excuse to not have wanted to eat much, plus my sister and her fiance were coming home that day and i hate having to talk to them, so i got away with moping round the house and eating smaller portions, even though i dont think anyone believed me. when we have people to stay, ie my sister, the main event is food and we’d have 3 massive meals a day, plus snacks inbetween and go out for inbetween snack snacks! it was killing me, but also exactly what i wanted in some ways since it was ready made binging.

anyway, once my sis had left towards new years day, i just started eating all the food provided, plus sneaking extra, so it was back to normal again and it made my parents happy.

so all in all, xmas was a big disappointment, but i’ve got to the stage where i dont expect to enjoy anything, so when things go wrong it just seems natural.

I started back last tuesday, which meant travelling back on new years day. great. i’m doing obs and gynae now, this first 2 weeks isnt too bad since it’s just lectures, but then there’s 5 weeks of clinical, where we have to do delivery suite duty. while i’m quite looking forward to delivering a baby, they bascally said everyone really struggles to do the required amounts of speculums and deliveries, so it’s all just going to be another massive fight, plus during my week on the labour ward it’s 12 hour shifts every day for 7 days. and apparently the midwives hate medical students. oh the joy!

Also i failed my neuro exam before xmas. i was completlely devasted since i actually put some work in for it, and now i’ve failed 2 out of 3 exams so i must be ranked with the bottom 10 of the year group and am going to have huge problems finding a job. i’ll also have to resit it sometime when i’m meant to be concentrating on my obs and gynae exams, so it’ll bugger them up too. i was very, very upset about all that, but i’ve come to accept it a bit now.

Bit more up to date now.