Crisis point

Hello,

Last night was somewhat traumatic. I watched ER, then came back to my room. JB was online (I’ve never mentioned him before, another potential suitor). He was SO depressed. I never thought I’d actually have to put my counselling skills into practice but I was needing every bit of training I’d ever had. I’d pretty much established he was suicidal since he couldn’t see anything good in the future or anything getting better.

The point is, it is all my fault. I led him to believe that I would go down to London (where he lives) and we would be a couple and all would be happy and everlasting. I think in his mind he had decided we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. But I can’t face the thought of being in a relationship at the moment. It does bad things to me. Too many memories. So I had to tell him it couldn’t happen.

I feel terrible. I was wracked with guilt and did everything I could to make him feel better, but he was depressed as hell. And it is my fault.

I had to do something, so I agreed to go and visit him purely as friends sometime in the future. That seemed to cheer him up, but in the long run, I think it may just do more damage.

In other news, G found out CK has slept with 2 other girls, and P found out M has a girlfriend, so everyone’s hopes and dreams of love seemed to be dashed last night.

In other, other news, someone rang me 3 times last night. I thought I knew who it was and am avoiding that person, but it turns out it wasn’t that person. So now I don’t know who it was. They didn’t leave a message. I’ve tried calling it back but it just automatically hangs up on me. The number starts 01622. I really wish I’d picked up the phone now.