But when?

Today i’m having another mini-nervous breakdown.

Normally I make it to about 7 or 8pm until I fall apart, but today I’ve not even got that far.

I have no-one and it is killing me. Every day i wake up on my own, i wander into town on my own, i spend the afternoon on my own, by the evening it’s gotten so painful and lonely that i end up doing anything to try to get rid of that loneliness – normally talking to sleezy guys on the internet.

No-one has touched me in months. I don’t mean in a sexual way, I mean just touching me like a hug or touching my arm.

No-one ever contacts me unless i contact them first.

The last time i went out, even with friends is months ago.

My only friend here spends 24/7 with her boyfriend who she is blatently going to marry. She literally wont get in touch with me unless he’s gone away for about a week and then she may ask me to do something. That has happened once in a year.

I am literally alone, all the time. I was ok with it at first, but it has been going on for months and months now, and i cant keep going with it anymore. I cannot survive spending every day on my own. It is honestly painful, and every single night i get SO down and upset about it.

I am alone right now and i will remain alone until i go back to work on Monday. Not a single person will see me or speak to me. And that will only change on monday because i will go back to work and detest every single minute of it, and the people i interact with there will make me feel like a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoe.

And that is all i have to look forward to.

Even if i get through tonight and manage to distract myself, tomorrow i will wake up alone, i will remain alone during the day, during the evening i will be alone, i will go to bed alone, the next day i will wake up alone, i will be alone during the day etc etc etc ad inifintum.

If i’m lucky, an old contact on messenger may pop up and ask me what i’m wearing.

That is all i have to look forward to.