Always another calamity

I have somehow managed to catch a cold during a heatwave. Talk about ironic. So this morning I was awake about 5am in pain and unable to breathe, so i got up and switched on my computer to see if anyone was online.

One guy was. We’ve never met but we’ve spoken for years. He graduated top from Cambridge, Stanford and Harvard university, and boy does he know it, so he started absuing me for my poor grammar and saying that i had no right to be at Oxford since he’d never spoken to anyone so stupid. It upset me a little, and i was already feeling unwell, so i got really depressed. I dont really like myself at the best of times but when someone else is saying it too it gets very upsetting.

So I said something about being sorry for taking up space and how i’d find a way to stop taking up space. He asked what I meant by that and i just said nothing, and it didnt matter anymore. He wanted to know what i meant by ‘anymore’, and basically, i went back to bed for about 15 mins without saying bye since i was pissed off. Still couldnt sleep so came back to my computer to find he’d obviously assumed i had spent that time commiting suicide. I told him not to be so stupid, but he went off one. I’d obviously really scared him by going quiet during those 15 minutes and he decided to punish me for that, so he started threatening to call college to find out where i live and calling an ambulance since he couldnt be sure i hadnt done something stupid and he didnt want it on his head if i died.

I had to spend an HOUR persuading him not to call an ambulance on me. I felt physically sick i was so scared he would actually do it. I had to admit i had only pretended to be commiting suicide to try to hurt him, and he just made me feel like a stupid, immature little girl. Eventually he agreed not to call the ambulance (which would have taken me to the A and E where i’m working at the moment – what a nightmare!) if i gave him my number. So he rang me and told me in a really really stern voice never to try to pull tricks like that with him again since he is far clever than me and would always win in the end. I felt so humiliated and stupid.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. Can you imagine explaining things to a paramedic? It would really have been the end of the world. If he had i may actually have taken an overdose and then run away somewhere no-one would find me.

In other news, went for a drink with friends last night. Did absolutely nothing other than that all weekend since my friend had gone home.

Friday night i went out clubbing. There were about 10 guys for every girl, it was bloody terrifying, and way too hot. It was literally too scary to dance since you got mobbed the second you went on the dancefloor. Scary stuff.