“NO-BOD-EEEEEEEEE KNOWS…”

At my mother-in-law’s memorial, we had decided that there would be a time for people to share memories or thoughts about her.
We would begin with my husband and his sisters sharing and then open it up to a general open sharing time.
My husband’s oldest sister shared first, then my husband shared, then his other sister shared and spoke directly to each of the grandchildren with specific things that Grandma cherished about each one of them and exhorted them all to never forget how much Grandma loved them. By the end of her sharing time – we were all sobbing. Each of my kids was so overcome with emotion that they were weeping.
It was then opened up to a “general sharing time”…
[Let me just preface this with the fact that everyone involved was sober, just in case you should doubt that at any point.]
Contestant #1 is retired woman who now spends her free time writing and performing dramatic poetry in libraries and other venues…
Walking all the way up to the podium, Contestant #1 begins: “The first time I met J*** (Hubby’s mom) she told me all of her problems.” *I’m sorry – is this a roast?? I was under the assumption that it was a MEM-OR-I-AL* She goes on to say that she is going to read a poem that she wrote.
[Now, mind you – the memorial was *sadly* not videotaped so I will try to recall the poem to the best of my ability…]
Try to imagine this in a breathy dramatic voice…
“WHITE.
WHITE.
WHITE, WHITE GHOSTS.
GHOSTS OF FAMILY.
GHOSTS OF FRIENDS.
GHOSTS…FLOATING AMONG US…”
(I honestly don’t remember the rest but there was MUCH more talk of ghosts and it went on for a while.)
*A poem about ghosts at a memorial service. Well then…*

Contestant #2 is married to contestant #1 and is a retired drama professor who spends his free time singing baritone in a local choir…
Contestant #2 walked not up to the podium, but to the front of the center aisle of the funeral home where he stopped and announced he would be singing a song and dedicating it to J***. He then placed his hands on his hips, tilted his head slightly skyward and took a long dramatic pause. Then in the deepest most booming voice…
“Noooooobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…Noooooobody knows but Je-suuuuuuuus. Noooooobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…Gloooooooo-ry Halleluuuuuuuu-jah…”
*OH. MY. GOODNESS.*
“Sometimes I’m up…”
*insert his extremely loud dramatic clap with hands shooting skyward like a fountain*
*Dude, he did NOT just clap!!! We were now biting our lips trying desperately to keep our composure*
“Sometimes I’m down…”
*Again with the dramatic clapping*
“Yes lord, you know sometimes I’m almost to the ground, O yes, Lord…”
*Isn’t this the song you sing when you are in prison while you are clanking your tin cup across the jail cell bars…?”

“Noooooobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…Noooooobody knows but Je-suuuus”
*How uplifting for a memorial service for someone who committed suicide. Yes, by all means let’s sing a song about her troubles…*

“Noooooobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…Glooooooo-ry Halleluuuuuuuuuuuu-jah…”
*Stay tuned for the next memorial service where he will dedicate the song “How could I forget?” to our favorite Alzheimer’s victim.*
He went on to sing more verses. At one point during the song there were several small children in the back simulating the dramatic clapping. I didn’t dare make eye contact with ANYONE! My husband was hunched over in his chair with his head down trying desperately not to laugh.
It was as in we had stepped into the middle of an episode of “The Office”. There he was. Michael Scott. Belting out a wildly inappropriate song at my mother-in-laws funeral.
ONLY.
MY.
LIFE.

I kept wondering “Is it just us? Does anyone else here think this is the funniest thing they’ve ever experienced??!”
Apparently, after the service – the moment my sister-in-law and her family got into their van and the doors shut behind them, her husband burst into: “NO-BO-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE KNOWS………..”
When I talked to one of my girlfriends that had attended the service she was like “WHAT WAS UP WITH THE DUDE AND THE SONG?!?!” She was sitting next to a couple of teenagers during the memorial and was pinching them with all of her might to keep them from laughing.
Apparently the pastor later told a friend that he was trying to make eye contact with Hubby’s sister (he’s the pastor of her church) because he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to try to stop what was happening or let it run its course.
We have NOT stopped laughing for 3 weeks now. We now answer our phone “Nooooo-body knows…” We greet each other “Noooooo-body knows…” And if one of us is feeling a little down? Why we perk them up with a little ditty “Nooooooooooooo-bod-eeeeeeeeeeeeee knows…”
I believe that song was God’s personal gift to my husband and me! We so needed something that high on the funny scale at that moment in our lives!
Wow, Lord – I’m honored, seriously…