The end of today

This has been the most painful summer I’ve ever experienced, emotionally and psychologically. I can’t ever remember feeling this depressed, this anxious, this drained.

I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, in an attempt to save MY sanity, as well as the sanity of those I love and spend time with. 95% of the visit is for me, but 5% is for them. I hate that my inner demons are causing them frustration and annoyance. It’s time that this ends.

I’ve tried to do it myself. I’ve “talked” to myself, read the books, done the soul-searching. And it’s simply not enough. Whatever is running around inside my head is just THAT much stronger than my inner will.

My inner reserve is low, too. And I can’t completely drain it. I have to save a little, “just in case.” So I’ve hit the red line that sets off the little light in my head that blinks EMERGENCY.

So tomorrow is another step into the unknown, but it’s a well placed step. It’s the first footfall on the path that will lead me to who I used to be.

Whoever that is…