Nothing good today

And I am thinking tonight, of the beautiful, wonderful friends I have lost along the way on this long, strange trip (to quote The Grateful Dead).

They are people I can no longer remember how it feels to hug but whose fingerprints are seared onto my flesh, into my brain, onto my heart.

I am crying tonight because I am alone and I can no longer deal with this alone.  I am nearly certain that I am heading down the destructive path to an eating disorder – but I do not know how to change my direction. 

I am so disgusting looking and I cannot see it any other way – I want out of this body.

But what else is new?