Let’s just call it a change in the flight plan

I made a really big decision today, one that will hopefully set my life rolling in the right direction.

As of January 2004, I will no longer be a student of UW-Madison. I have decided to transfer to UW-Whitewater.

It’s a choice that I should have made almost a year ago, but certain stupid thoughts got in my way. It’s complicated and confusing, stressful and full of tedious details, but, in the end, it’s what I need to do.

I need to be on a smaller campus, where I can feel recognized and important and worthwhile. I need to be in a place where I will not feel trampled on and where I can make a place for myself in the world.

I originally wanted to go to Whitewater, but family pressure and a long list of other complications kept me from going there. I felt an obligation to go to Madison – now, I cannot for the life of me understand why I let myself be swayed by others.

And since I really do not know what I want to do with my life, besides being in some form of higher education, I need to be in a place that’s slightly cheaper than UW-Madison and more one-on-one, career oriented. I feel as though I am simply passing through the classes here and not getting anything.

It’s going to mean giving up the independence of an apartment and probably moving back into the dorms. It’s going to mean going through the hassle of transferring grades and credits and transcripts. It’s going to mean moving again and getting my bearings in a totally new place. It’s going to mean being incredibly cut off from any of the Janesville kids up here (but I am already fairly distant from all of the people I was close with last year, so that is hardly the greatest of my concerns). But, it will also mean leaving some people that are very dear to me.

When you add it up, write it out in black and white, everything points away from this place. I will miss a few people and, just a bit, the lake. But this place still does not feel like home (no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise) and I am, simply put, not happy here.

And I will not torture myself anymore.

I love people and I really will miss those that I care about, but it is not enough to keep me here. And I will not let others (and the guilt of potentially hurting them) be an influence in my decision making.

This is 100% my choice and I couldn’t be happier.