Fell forward…to the past (?)

Marching was horrible this morning…my line (with the exception of Myra and Molly) is so insanely stupid. And really pretentious. Hey, note, MIDDLE DOESN’T CALL LINE! END DOES!

Whatever. And we got yelled at for our turn. Fuck that! I did it right!

Mi presentacion en Espanol fue muy bueno. Soy feliz. 🙂

English was a nice, easy day (no cupcakes, though!). We just finished up some loose ends from Crime and Punishment and then we had the rest of the time to talk. Christine, Emily, and I had a “serious” talk. No, really we did.

🙂 I know you don’t believe me…

3rd hour was spent sitting in a circle back by the lockers, laughing my ass off. It was Jeff, Myra, Bryan (or is it Brian?), Ben, “Boris”, Mitch, and me. It was just a lot of fun. “Jurassic Park…One.” Retarded velociraptors. Detachable body parts. The ultimate dinosaur movie (“50 people, 50 dinosaurs in a big field). Trying to crush a lemonade can. Lemonade + Sun Drop = YUCK.

4th hour was quiet amusement. We WERE playing euchre, but D yelled at us (wtf?!). There is nothing I hate more than being yelled at. Especially by D. So we just goofed around. Jeff showed us penny “tricks” and kept putting Paul’s Mountain Dew into his shirt pocket. We went through the contents of my wallet and looked at the senior pics I’d collected. Then I painted white-out smileys on Matt’s middle fingers and Jeff put a Michael Jackson on one of his fingers. In the middle of the hour, Paul came back with a cast list. I’m in it, Myra and Matt are, too. Rachel, Val, Steph, Christine, Micky, Erin…they all got parts. Rachel was rather upset about the part she got (for obvious reasons), but I won’t go into that.

A fun, screaming lunch to Paul Revere’s with Steph, Val, and Christine. Then we all called our moms on my cell phone from the parking lot at Craig. 🙂 Just lots and lots of screaming.

5th hour made me angry, and it almost made me cry. I was angry because I really resent being called immature. I think that’s one of the LAST things on earth that I am. Whatever. It just pissed me off, especially from a teacher. And I just didn’t understand the concept she was explaining. I honestly almost cried. It was that bad. I’m so spastic with my moods these days.

6th hour was spent with Steph, comforting Rachel. Fire drill, then just worked on the normal stuff. I really wish Jay could keep his comments under control…sometimes, what he says just isn’t appropriate. And this year is going really well in that class, I don’t want to blow it.

In Psych, we worked on the poster again. Matt drew lightbulbs, made a marker tower, and “showed me” his smiley finger. Keegan drew a bloody brain. 🙂 I threw markers at Andrew and got marker on my nose. Nothing out of the ordinary.

There was practice after school, we read through the whole play, skipping a few chunks here and there. This hour and a half was the worst part of my day. I was in SUCH a funky state of mind and I couldn’t shake it. I was depressed, crabby, quiet, and…everything all rolled into one. The psychologist issue is still bugging me. Because my mood fluctuates so much. This afternoon, as soon as I left the auditorium, I was fine.

Wait. Does this mean drama is what depresses me? Man…no. Whatever.

But I had “I hate how I look” feelings, along with “I hate how I act,” “I hate who I am,” and “I hate what I’ve failed to accomplish” feelings. There’s so many things I won’t get to do in high school because this is IT (“This is the beginning of the end” – Val). I won’t ever get to be in small. I won’t ever get to do swim or any other sport. I won’t ever get to…I don’t know. There’s just a lot of things. I live such a life of regret. It’s almost worth it to end it just so I can’t miss out on anything more (yes, that sounds dumb…know what I mean, though? If it’s over, no more missed chances. It’s just…OVER). I hate feeling so horrible. But then I’m fine half an hour later.