Emptying my head a bit

My baby girls are getting so big so quickly. Max and I weighed them this weekend – Kiley is 2.5 pounds and Kiara is 2. I looked at the picture I have from the day I first saw and held and saw them and the difference between then and now is incredible. I can’t wait to show them to my dad – he’ll be really excited to see them.

I’m beginning to waver about teaching. I am still unsure if I want to teach the way things are NOW or the way things were 10, 15 years ago. How can I be in a system where I cannot hug a crying child, must operate under the stupidity of NCLB, and won’t have all that much control over my own curriculum?! It’s not that I can’t deal with stress or pressure, or that I have to have a job where I make six figures…but entering into a profession where my creativity, my passion, my nurturing spirit will (more than likely) be stunted…how can I do that? To be selfish for a minute, how can I do that to myself? Wouldn’t these talents of mine be better used elsewhere? But, of course, the problem is, WHERE? For now, obviously, I will stick it out. Maybe once I finish reading the book that Max’s mom gave me, I’ll have a better understanding of what I’m supposed to do.

I had a fairly major meltdown on Monday night. Lucky for me, I have the most caring, loving, sweet boyfriend in the entire world, so he helped me pull through it. I have a rock now in this crazy world. I can only hope he never goes away…

I need to start taking time to take better care of myself. I feel very run down and am noticing the effects of not much food or sleep.
I miss him. I just left him this morning and already I’m incomplete.

food master

July 7, 2005

ThatsAll

its good to have that rock, isnt it? I cant imagine my life now if he wasnt there. I miss Craig all the time too, and cant wait for the day when we dont have to worry about being apart anymore. And yeah, im at that crossroads point as well. Good luck with your decisions. I still dont know what im going to do. And im sick of people telling me what THEY think i should.. well, certain people!

purelymesa

July 8, 2005

I hope that you figure out what you want with this teaching thing. I know it can’t be easy (I wouldn’t like it) with all these restrictions. Yay for having a rock! I miss that. You are a very lucky person.

Scarlet Knight

July 15, 2005

Are you thinking about Early Childhood / Elementary / Middle School / Secondary / Special Ed? I’m working on elementary right now. Don’t worry about NCLB. Your ideas and fun will not be lost within the world of core curriculm standards. There is so much I’m looking forward to in teaching my kids … so many ideas I have. Write them down while they’re on your mind so you don’t forget them.