7/9/2002

I miss being out at that big old house on Juniper. I miss Sally and Buster Bear. I miss the pool.

I drove past their new house today. I can only imagine how crazy the size difference must be! And they’re in a much busier part of the city. But it’s only for a year…and then they’ll be in their “heaven.” 🙂 I’d like to meet Molly before they leave, though. It would complete things.

I’m a bit scared about school starting in August. Living with Emily is going to be fun, but I see so little of her now…obviously, we have a pretty extensive background of friendship, but I’m afraid it’s going to be awkward. And what if it doesn’t work? I know we have pretty different sleeping habits and I know there will be other differences. That’s a given, though, no matter WHO you live with. But I don’t want it to be awkward. No use worrying, though. Things will be, most likely, pretty good.

I think that issue is stemming from the fact that I miss my girls, Val, Em, Christine…and then I wonder how many true friends I actually have. Don’t read into this as a pity party, it’s just some of the things that go through my head. Sometimes I just feel as though Mitch is the only friend I have right now.

I will NOT be afraid of life. My only challenge is finding the courage. It’s so hard to figure out where to look…within, of course, but where? Is there some secret reserve that I haven’t tapped into yet? Or is it in plain sight, merely hidden by my depression and anxiety? I’m not quite sure how to find out.

Portland went from a 10 on the anxiety meter to a 3. Those two phone calls will make it even better – the first will drop it to a 2, the second to a 1.

I got my cartiledge pierced tonight. Just for the hell of it. Just because I can and I’ve wanted to for a long time.

Off to stop this blasted headache and try to turn in early so I can get up for the meeting. Later.