12/4/03
It’s like I’m not even here. I’m not saying this in a negative way, it’s just weird. I feel as though I’m in hiding or something. And pehraps I am. Maybe I’m trying to hide from who I used to be and what I used to want and all the people who used to know me. Maybe I don’t want anything to do with that life.
I don’t want to cut EVERYone out…I can’t even think of anyone specifically. This is just a feeling I have. It’s hard to explain – this is one of those times where you just need to be in my head.
It’s nice to know that in two weeks, nearly everyone will be home and I can have some wonderful reunions. It confuses me, though, that I feel this way, considering what I just described above.
Eh. I’m 19. I’m confused. So what else is new?
I think I know how you feel… I think it means that you are finally completely ready to face what’s coming, what’s new…because you don’t feel that attachment to the old things. So now revisiting old friends and memories won’t feel the same, but I think in a way it can still be good if you feel like doing it. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a bad thing, though. Just different and new.
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and that’s why at this moment you feel like you don’t want anything to do with your old life. and maybe you never will want anything to do with it, because you’ve realized there is so much more out there and that a lot of what’s in the past is really, really stupid or perhaps even disgusting and heinous when you think about it. eventually though, you’ll see those warm faces and you’ll smile too.
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