10/26/02
“When I think about you, I become lonely and it appears to me that I might never know you again in that way. I want so badly to touch and to feel the things that I feel when you are with me. It is closeness that I long for, and your mind being so many miles away defeats my dreams. My hopes begin to shatter, and I accept facts-the truth that you are far away and that I can’t see you. Things happen or I think about things or read things and I want to share them with you-but your being so far away makes it impossible, and my dreams keep coming. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night, like tonight-but I sleep finally, restless, but with the thought that you somehow are thinking about me-or perhaps with another girl-sleeping contendedly-forgetting or so close to forgetting that it doesn’t matter. And I know you are so wise-and I admire you, and I think maybe in some way our destinies-our lives- our two roads away from suffering were meant to meet at some appointed time-at some appointed place. But how am to know for sure? I am not, and that is what keeps me going, makes me continue. Each day is a new hope that the time is closer-that I will see you soon-talk to you-hold you- and find that my dreams are reality. I want to be with you so I can give you things-of myself-I want to show you what is me, and I want you to show me what is you-so we can know if you and I are good for one another-to see if we can make each other happy-and find perhaps that one day not spent together would be a wasted day-a day that’s average but had no special things. Then again we should alway strive to be individuals-but also be 100% when we are together. I want to find out if I could give all I have to you and still have everything. I can’t seem to determine what it is that makes one person want another one. There are some things I want to tear apart and pick to pieces just to find out. But human relationships. They are sacred. And one person longing for another should not be analyzed, I guess, just kept as a dear belonging too special to be dissected.”