10/2/02

There’s such a chill in the air – it made the walk to Bascom pass very quickly because I was thinking more about my frozen nose and chilled hands than about my slightly aching muscles. I also had to keep the umbrella from flipping itself inside out constantly (which it continued to do despite all of my best efforts).

The trees are changing colors and it’s so beautiful. I wish I could sketch – I would go to Lake Mendota, bundled up in that green and brown fleece hat and my fuzzy red sweatshirt, and try to capture the essence of the rippling waves. They have such power, such a life of their own. I still remember the waves from the canoe trip – lulling me to sleep as I huddled in the bottom of the vessel, sheltering myself from the wind.

I wish I could show you the beauty I see in everything. How I find little pockets of joy in nearly everything I see and hear and feel and experience. Today, the umbrellas made me happy and I wanted to take a picture of them as I stood at the top of Bascom Hill and looked down the steep stairs.

I wish I could let you into that final part of me. But it’s a place that I am not even allowed to enter. I must be my friend first, and that is a long and tiresome task. I slowly chip away at the solid shell, anxious to find the golden fruit underneath. What do you think I will find? I cannot even begin to guess. What an adventure it will be!

The complacency of the moment is intoxicating and nearly overwhelming, but the thought of events to come in the next two days bring me back to reality.

I love you and I am in love with you and I have never been happier.

Truth. Pure and simple. Read it, take from it what you will, and please cherish it. I am speaking from experience. Experience with YOU.

I want you to see the beauty in me.

I think you already do…