10/12/02

There is only one person I want to talk to right now, only one person I want to cry with, discuss things with, work through this with.

But he cut those ties and now I’m left without him.

He says to be strong for myself. I am. Despite the crying, I am still strong. Despite what happened last night, I am still strong.

I just feel as though this is not the best thing. I do not like this decision and its results, but I am absolutely powerless to change it. The ball is completely in his court. And all I have left is hope.

I am NOT giving this up without a fight. I will not let my best friend walk out of my life without a fight.

I wish I could be mad at you. I wish that something had happened and I could be mad at you. No, I don’t. That would be too easy. And if it was too easy, it would mean it wasn’t worth very much. And 17 months are definitely worth something.

I just want to wake up from this bad dream…