we looked like giants

Lately, I’ve been very stressed

and I put this stress on myself

I couldn’t get all the classes I need for the semester, again, graduating in 5 years seems like a privilege now.

We can’t find anyone to take over our lease, so we can’t move, and if we don’t find anyone by the 1st we lose the place we were trying to get, so even if we do get out of the lease, we’re obligated to stay another month after the first cuz that’s when we owe money and that’s really expensive for just the 2 of us.

I want to find another roommate, less moving, just seems easier, but my housemate is not down, and he’s half the household.

AND all of my mutual friends keep looking at me weird. I feel like a pariah, and I never felt like I belonged in the first place.

So, I’m really lonely and I’m trying to make friends but that’s always been a slow process for me.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my neighbor,

but the past 2 days, he’s had that look on his face, that quiet sigh, that means there’s something he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to say it. I feel like he’s been avoiding being alone with me.

I hope that I’m imagining it, but it’s really easy for it to be real, I mean, I have herpes, and a lot of the time I’ve noticed, after I tell guys, and they fully digest what it is, they aren’t down.

I’d rather find out now than down the road. This is my fate, but I’m starting to really like him so I hope he says whatever it is he has to say soon so I can either be relieved or move on.

Not gonna lie I’ve been kinda freaking out about it all day.

I know myself and I know that part of my attachment to him is escaping this shitstorm of a semester, but there is a part that isn’t that.

The only red flags about him are that he’s 24 (why is he into a 19 year old? I’ve noticed he defs goes after younger girls)

and that he seemed really into me, and now he seems really distant.

Honestly I could totally see myself with him, but I may be too immature, and he may have realized that.

 

I don’t know.

I just want something stable to hold onto.

<3

phoebe