pale blue eyes

I’m back home for the first time since july.

The streets look the same.

the people are the same.

But I am not.

I haven’t ever felt it as distinctly as I do right now.

my house is clean.

our house is never clean.

it smells different.

it doesn’t smell like home.

my cat doesn’t even look the same.

I feel like a stranger, a tourist in my old life.

this place will never be home again.

I’ve seen almost all of the california coast in the last 2 days.

Just me and my housemate.

there is something between us.

I mean like, it doesn’t feel like we’re just friends.

We’re close friends, maybe it’s just weird that I have a male close friend, since I’ve never had one before.

and maybe I’m just being weird because I’m looking for someone new to fixate on.

phoebe