my moon my man

 it’s november

soon it’ll be december, this semester will be over, where will I be?

Up here and working and spending my free time with eric?

Halloween came and went, we carved a pumpkin and made pumpkin bread and drank wine and laid next to each other, he just held me, as if he had never held me before, and was never going to hold me again.

Our relationship scares me, because little things set both of us off.

I’m sensitive and so is he.

I don’t deserve him, I’m so afraid I’ll accidentally hurt him.

He doesn’t know, about those weekend nights where he wanted space and I called David.

No compromising  words exchanged in those calls, just hellos and how is your life and I miss you.

Oh David, just a beautiful tender soul, and I should tell him what’s going on, but I don’t want to hurt him.

I could very easily hurt both of them.

Sometimes I feel like such a vain creature, I have two men who care for me, and I don’t have the balls to tell either of them the complete truth.

I didn’t go to class today.

I should feel bad, but I needed some air from school.

Some coffee and cigarettes, words typed here and handwritten, untangling my brain, figuring out what I’m doing.

Haven’t made much progress so far.

it’s funny, how all of a sudden I am employed and involved in things I care about and doing things I enjoy and I have not had much trouble with my brain.

As soon as you stop thinking about all the things you don’t have, you have them.

 

love and tortoises

phoebe