Heteromeles arbutifolia
Heteromeles arbutifolia
family Roseceae
common name: toyon
this is the plant that "Hollywood" was named after
Heteromeles means "other apple" in greek
a heavy sinking empty feeling
constant reminders of a very unhappy girl
existing in crushing solitude
and the cold
it slows the blood in my veins
all I want is to go back
back into strong warm arms that pick me up and spin me when he’s excited
back into the Mojave, counting endangered and unique plants
outside, sweating in the sunshine
and coming home to someone who cares about what I say
I want to feel the passion I felt this summer
I want to be around people who care
people who are moving forward in their knowledge
people who will talk plants and animals and butterflies with me
get excited with me about the little nerdy things with me
the people I can do this with exist here, but I am part of a clique so far removed from it
I chose the party people as a freshman
and my anxiety in crowds rears it’s ugly head
and David
my heart still aches for him.
aches in a way that is new to me
like a deep sadness
similar to how I feel about losing a close friend
the irony of all of this whining about missing him
is that within 6 hours of seeing ex neighbor, he booty called me
and I slept over at his house, numb to everything, barely sober enough to stand
just glad I wasn’t faced with solitude
and I haven’t heard from him since
and I sort of care, because it makes me feel used
but I’m sort of relieved that my tendency to rebound instead of heal has been thwarted
love and vampire bats
phoebe