Arbutus menziesii

Arbutus menziesii

Common name: Madrone

Family: Ericaceae

These guys are very closely related to manzanita.

They are fairly well distributed throughout California, we saw a bunch on the road in between here and Redding.

I think Madrone is a really nice plant name, idk why, it’s just a very symmetrical and smooth word.

 

Labor day came and went, the last dying breath of summer exhaled as we get ready to embrace autumn.

I’ve been so bored, I feel trapped

painfully trapped in my own mind

and I can’t seem to find the strength to break out.

I’m focusing on being optimistic, but it’s hard being so alone.

and still consistently missing David, and everything he meant.

Tossing and turning at night, staring at my phone, wishing I could call or text him, just to ask him how his life is going.

I miss having that deep shared affection with someone, it makes me feel so warm inside.

I feel like I’m so terrible at what I say I want to do, the realization that my path needs a change is terrifying

and I don’t know what to do.

It’s hard to be happy and normal right now.

Waking up in the morning is hard, falling asleep is hard, I just get lost in a sea of emptiness and stare at my computer screen or bedroom wall for hours

I keep lying and telling everyone I’m fine because I don’t think there is anyone who cares that much anyways. 

And for the people that do, I feel as if I’m letting them down by feeling this low again.

I’m hoping that being immersed in studies will pull me up again.

Something, anything at this point.

 

I have my chin up, I’m doing my best.

I just hope something changes soon.

Love and bumblebees,

Phoebe