She Told You What, Commissioner??!!

The weather had been pissy for weeks before Saturday – cold, overcast, and rainy. Just like last year. And also just like last year, when the day came for our Mardi Gras Krewe of Krime to roll, the weather turned…perfect. Sunny and warm like a Spring day. And ever since that day, the weather has been pissy again here. Talk about your mandate from on high. We are the chosen people after all.

As I’ve written before, the Spanish Town Mardi Gras parade is the most popular of the many parades held in my city. It’s ribald and politically incorrect – hence, its enormous popularity. It’s not a parade for children (although they are there – somewhat a reflection of some of today’s parents I suppose). For example: This year’s theme was “25 Flockin’ Years” in honor of the twenty-fifth anniversary of this parade. Taking this theme and the parade’s perennial mascot, the pink flamingo, our sister krewe (the Krewe of Yahoos) designed its float around mock-ups of pink flamingo “couples” positioned appropriately to support their particular float’s message which read in large letters along its two sides: “Beaks Down, Tails Cocked, This is How We Like to Flock.”

The Krewe of Krime, however, remains dedicated to lampooning state or city government which is so easy to do in Louisiana. This year we had an honored guest (float king if you will). His name is Bert Garroway and he was singled out for honor after serving 19 years as a Public Defender. Since the last parade, he had made the news for an in-court display of one of his indigent clients. Seems the client did not like the way the defense was progressing so he produced a razor from his clothing somewhere and went to cutting poor Bert’s face. Fortunately, the bailiffs subdued him before he could do significant damage, but blood was drawn. I don’t recall, but I suspect the attack did not positively influence sentencing for Bert’s client.

I feel privileged to be on this Krewe. Of the thirty-one riders this year, all but two of us are lawyers – it’s pretty much a prerequisite. It’s the only time of the year where you will see all sorts of lawyers socializing together – tax lawyers, real estate lawyers, corporate lawyers, and…prosecutors and defenders…assistant DAs and PDs. The other non-lawyer is a life-long friend of the krewe’s originator and also brings a lot to the table by way of float construction, wiring, and the ever-important…plumbing. I on the other hand bring little, save the hottie bartender and DJ (a co-worker and her close friend). Most of the lawyers are pub mates so I feel comfortable around them and all, but still…I wanted to “belong” if you know what I mean. So this year, I made sure I found my niche:

As I announced to all, “Although I are not a lawyer, I ARE a krime fighter too!!”

Let me tell you. Not only was I the envy of the entire Krewe, the friggin’ name-recognition did absolute WONDERS toward my “success” throughout the day. Along the entire route, the screams from the throng for Batman’s attention were incessant. Along with my signature throw of purple, gold, and green garters (for which the wimmin gather like a school of piranha), the costume yielded a record-breaking…uh…response (in both quanTITy and qualTITy – taking a spelling license here for effect).

Even the post-parade walk from the float to the post-parade pub meeting was an event (with two fun-loving (and apparently wine-loving) young ladies actually seeking Batman’s ruling on which had the better…uh…assets…which they declared could only be properly judged by both sight and touch. Batman, being a public servant and all, stepped right up to the task at…hand…and declared the winner being…Batman.

I even conducted a few interviews at the pub from ladies who were applying for the vacant “Robin” position. [I’m not really familar with that particular position, but I’m game…]

Be advised, however, I was fully aware of my position and duty as a role model for the youth as well. During the walk, many kids (and their irresponsible parents – see paragraph two here) approached me for attention. For each, I took my wide stance with hands on hips and directed them to “Eat all your vegetables.” I take my responsibilities seriously.

So…in summary…best Mardi Gras ever for me and I felt like a true Superhero (so did one of those two ladies by the way). Next year, I think some of the lawyers may scrap their Krewe prison duds (as I did this year) and we may all become the Krewe of Justice League of America – or sumpin’ like that.