The Most Disappointing Movies of 2023

I’m going to start with our veggies first, and then serve desert afterwards. So, I’ll post what I feel are the most disappointing movies of the year and follow up with what I thought were the best. If you like any of the movies below, that’s alright. Films like all mediums are subjective. Just because I didn’t like it does not mean that you cannot. If you liked it, I’m glad you did… but they just didn’t work for me. I’m sure some people with disagree with some of my pics, but that’s alright too. Keep the notes clean and civil and we can talk about it and share thoughts.

So, without further delay, here are my ten most disappointing movies of the 2023.

Enjoy!
Peter

THE MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIES OF 2023:

10. THE SUPER MARIO BROTHERS MOVIE

Something happened to me that doesn’t happen to often when I’m sitting in a dark theatre watching a movie with big booms and action… I fell asleep. The entire chase scene on the rainbows was entirely missed cause I was so bored I nodded of to la la land. The film was just boring from start to finish, but to be fair I am not the audience this film was made for. I’m not trashing this one too hard and it’s at the top for this reason. It was still cheesy and corny to the extreme, but for those who enjoyed the nostalgia and reliving childhood days of playing Mario games, glad to hear you enjoyed it. My kids loved it so the target audience was fulfilled, I was just bored.

9. OPPENHEIMER:

Oh, yeah… now we’re cooking with gas. I realize this is a film that is likely going to land on some people best of lists… but not me. Oppenheimer had so much potential, and it was just wasted. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of stunning performances that are award worthy, but the failure for me lies in dragged out storytelling and focus. Then there’s the special effects, or in this case the intentional lack of them. I’ll be the first to complain when a movie has wall to wall CGI, but when a single scene can be elevated to the next level and make it a take your breath away moment… and we don’t get it. We had this massive build up to the invention of the bomb, and then the payoff was whimper that was almost non-existent. The film makes its impact only on the cerebral level, not an emotional one. In a way, Oppenheimer is guilty of exactly the thing it’s trying to criticize: ignoring inhumanity in favor of procedural academic pondering. In other words, this film was all talk and no trousers. Such a fucking disappointment.

8. ANT MAN & THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA:

Where as Oppenheimer didn’t use any CGI, Ant Man & Wasp 2 used far too much to the point where the background was the most annoying part fo the film. I just wanted this movie to end, and was tempted to walk out of the threatre from the migraine it was giving me. Kang was a great villain in Loki Season 1, and to see him reduced to being bested by a B-hero cheapened him and took away a lot of his thunder for future films that we thought were coming down the pipeline. How is Kang supposed to be an Avenger level baddie when he can’t even beat Ant Man? Bad story, bad action, and just so boring. This movie was Marvel’s whole year in a nushell…

7. MAFIA MAMMA:

Okay, this movie starts off with a horrid premise. This movie was like “Eat, Pray, Love” meets “The Godfather” and tried to be a comedy and a drama as the film goes full bi-polar on us. The premised didn’t appear to be bad, but the story and the ridiculous attempts to be funny/serious at the worst times made for a very painful experience. I wouldn’t recommend this to my worst enemy as it’s acting and story is cruel and unusual punishment. The acting was awful, the scenes were unbelievable, and the ending was just a slap in the face and totally unrealistic. This film was just an insult from start to finish.

6. THE MARVELS:

This movie had so much promise, and now we are left with what only could have been. The villain was forgetting able, the the plot was a straight rip off of Spaceballs, and they didn’t think we’d notice that. The thing is I really like Ms. Marvel series, and was looking forward to the character expand her MCU footprint in this film, but her talents and the story were wasted in this horrid drama that was badly written, and badly executed as well. Capt. Marvel was a decent film that deserved a better sequel. This movie actually felt like a sequel to a Capt. Marvel sequel we never got to watch… the plot had that many holes in it. Just disappointing. Marvel, you’re better than this!

5. FAST X:

Damn, and here we thought this series couldn’t get worse than Fast Nine. As I sat there in the theatre watching this absolute mess of a film, I was proven wrong as FAST X is by far the worst film of this series. Fast Nine ain’t got nothing on how bad this movie was. Jason Mamoa was a cheesy villian that no one feared as he was just rididulous. Are we supposed to be afraid of a dude with a manbun? Not happening, Jack. The attempt to do a twist at the end, and undo every major death that happened over the last several films takes away any suspense cause we know this family no one stays dead to be missed. Take away the sacrifice and you there’s nothing to fear or be sacred of. This series has no teeth, and worse no bite. As Gorilla Monsoon often said, stick the fork in this one… it’s finished.

4. BARBIE:

This movie a grating, endless eyesore that’s so convinced of its cuteness and cleverness that it never knew when to stop. This movie is boring and lame, a cheesy, unfunny, and wannabe activist movie, It tried to make a feminist and anti-capitalist point, but fell flat on its face in every way. It literally had the richest actors and one of the biggest capitalist toy companies in the world working together. Never stopped noticing the Chevrolet product placements. People want this to get Oscar noms, but the only awards this drivel deserves are Golden Raspberries.

3. REBEL MOON PART 1: A CHILD OF FIRE

I wanted to like this movie so much, but I couldn’t. This movie is basically a ripoff of the Magnificent Seven/Seven Samurai taking place in a background that feels like a hybrid of Star Wars and Dune. There is absolutely nothing original about this movie or series, nothing at all and that is a failure of the writers as well as the director. What I find truly insulting is that Netflix is trying to create their own “Snyder Cut” payoff, claiming there’s a longer R rated cut that hasn’t come out yet. This is a lame attempt by Netflix that I find insulting and they should have released both the R cut and the PG-13 cut and let us viewers/parents to pick our poison. Now I’m so disappointed that I don’t even want to see the director’s cut or part 2. Keep this shit away from me…

2. INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY

This movie had the potential to be a return to form, but all it did was make Kingdom Of the Crystal Skulls look better by comparison. Let’s just admit the obvious: Harrison Ford is too old to play an action hero. He’s doesn’t have to retire, because he can still act. Ford’s award worthy work on Shrinking is proof of that… but he needs to hang up the whip as his hero days are far behind him. The chase scenes were dull and slow, to the point where Crystal Skulls starts to look better by comparison. This is not a good thing as the time travel idea and follow through were total flops, just like this movie at the box office. Indiana Jones doesn’t need more sequels, this franchise needs a reboot and a new actor to dawn the fadora… stat!

1. THE EXPENDABLES 4

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. What used to be a great nostalgic turn back the clock series has not turned into an utter joke. This film had great action starts like Tony Jaa (Ong Bak) and Iko Uwais (The Raid Redempton) and their talents were just wasted on this piece of trash. Stallone didn’t even want to hang out as he was present in less than 10% of the film, probably cause he was working on Tulsa King, which is a million times better. THis series has turned into a total farce and no other film in 2023 was worse than this horrid sequel.