Oh, Hell Hole… Call Center is thy name!

Somebody once wrote: “Hell is the impossibility of reason.” That’s what this place feels like. Hell. I’ve only been here a week and I hate it already… Day by day I struggle to maintain not only my strength but also my sanity. It’s all a blur. I have no energy to write. I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. The morale of the men is low. There’s a lot of suspicion and hate. I can’t believe we’re fighting each other, when we should be fighting them…

That is, in a nutshell, how I feel right about now. Like I’m in hell and with no other options right now, I’ll have to live with the devil I know rather than the devil out there that I don’t know. The center has pretty much sucked the life right back out of me and I’m seriously fighting an urge to not flip out and quit. I have too much to work for right now and that is what I am using to fight my way through. I think about my wife, the kids and the other things that I want to do, like the movie I plan to film. All of that gives me the motives, the desire to take that next call and sluge my way through the trenches. I really, really don’t want to be here but like a buddy of mine loves to say… I’ll have to build a bridge and get over it. I’ve got to maintain a grip on whatever hostility I have and just move on.

Like I said before, I have so much to look forward to. It’s just a shame I have to go through so much crap to get to it. I guess in the end it will be worth it but at the moment that doesn’t seem to helpful. Part of me wants to try to take advantage of the OT that’s being offered right now but another part wants me to run for the door the minute my shift ends and never return to the building till scheduled too. I hate feeling this way but at the moment it’s all I can say right about now. I’m sure there are millions of people around the world who put up with a lot more crap than I’ll ever have to… and a part of me does feel stupid for complaining about something that they would kill for the chance to have. A part of me knows that I do take this job for granted, yet a part of me doesn’t seem to give a fuck and just wants to leave this hell hole as soon as friggin possible!

I don’t want to be this person, but I can’t deny how I feel. I think I’m gonna have to visit my doctor again cause these kind of aggressive and negative feelings are not normal. I shouldn’t feel this down and it’s going to eventually ruin everything for me if I don’t get a handle on it. I knew coming back to the center wasn’t going to be easy, but this is just going to get uglier before it gets better and I’m talking bowling shoe ugly here. Like I said before, I have things to work for that will make it easier to put up with this place. I’m working on a movie and that is a one way ticket out of here if it succeeds so that is very much worth working for. The other things worth working for is my family. My boys are worth putting up with this crap for. I want to get them cool stuff and do things with them, so I need to stay here and make the deniro to do it.

Right now I want to tell all my online political pundits that my working here has proven one thing: gun control really works. Had Canada’s gun control laws not been ten times more anal and strict as the home of the ‘right to bear arms’ brave… than this center would look like swiss cheese right now. You’d see our workplace on CNN and experts telling us how the work environment probably was the spark that lit the fuse of the nut case that shot the place up. I’m not the only one who feels this way, and management of course doesn’t give a rat’s ass. We are nothing more than a number, and one that can be easily replaced. When you mean so little to a place so big, your voice is just a fart in the wind and you mean nothing as does what you think. That can lead to piss poor morale and that’s what it’s like here in the center.

I hate to be a whiner, but right now venting here is a lot better than venting anywhere else at this point. And one last thing… big time kudos and bonus points to those who can tell me what movie the first bolded paragraph is from! I’m curious to see who can recognize it…

Peter