Monday School: Atheist in the closet…

I’ve been attending some group sessions for people who are trying to cope with separation and divorce. I started attending them on the advice of my therapist hoping that I would use the experience to work through my issues a little faster. I thought it was a great idea, because I have found the classes and group sessions to be very helpful. When I applied for the course, I was aware that the course was being run by the diocese of Hamilton but I was told by my therapist that they informed her these classes/group sessions were ‘non-denominational’, meaning everyone was welcome to take part regardless of what view they had.

So I’ve been attending these sessions and I even attended the first level of courses (there are 5 levels) that help people cope with separation and divorce. Both have been very helpful, but there have been a lot of times where God was brought up. Now when I spoke to my therapist about this, I informed her that I wasn’t surprised at all because this was a class/session about healing and many people to turn to God for assistance during such times. I never felt the need to pound my chest or champion my atheist ways there because that’s not why I was there. My reason to be there was do a little healing of my own… I just preferred to do it without any imaginary beings.

My therapist was a little troubled by what I was saying since she was told religion wasn’t an issue but hoped that their constant reference to God wasn’t offending me or making me feel uncomfortable. I answered by saying that I was comfortable enough with my stance on the issue to not be rattled by anything any of them had to say. If anything, I have to keep a straight face and not laugh at them. Not only have I not reacted to what others have said about God, I’ve pretty much kept my atheist to myself. My therapist found that very intreging since I’m so vocal about my atheist online and in most situations. I responded by saying that to stand in defiance of religion in this case wouldn’t resolve anything and would only cause problems, distracting everyone from the real reasons why we were all there to begin with.

She compared how I’m acting around my class as being in the closet with my atheism. An interesting way to describe it, but she asked if I was afraid how the class (and even the people running the course) might respond if I were to reveal such a fact to them. There was a part of me that is sincerely concerned that some might respond a little over the top and that would make a lot of people very uncomfortable rather than just myself. I am also concerned that if I made my position clear, people might use any chance they got to shove God down my throat rather than work through their own issues.

I haven’t intentionally hidden this truth away from anyone, I’ve just kept mum on the issue. To be honest, no one has even bothered to ask what my status was and might be running on their own assumptions that I have not bothered to confirm or deny. There is the possibility that some people in the group are not aware that this is a non-demoinational thing my therapist was lead to believe and might take great offence to my disbelief and make a scene.

There are a few people in my group who I think would be okay with it as they seem like very respectful souls who are not that sensitive, but there are too many questions marks for me to consider it at the moment. I’m just not in a rush to get there just yet. I have sincere issues with my separation that I am working on, and just because I don’t need God to work through them doesn’t mean I should look down at others who feel they need to, at least this isn’t the right time and place to do such a thing.

I am aware there are many atheists out there who are afraid to reveal themselves to those they work with or even their own family regarding their atheism. There was a time when I was afraid to reveal this fact to my mother but I did a long time ago and while I can sense that she feels bad about it, she has come to accept that just the way things are with me. What I told my therapist today was that I didn’t feel the need to broadcast my atheism everywhere because I have places where I can bring up these feelings (such as this blog, my writing of books and stories) and because of that I don’t have to stand up and fight every single person who brings up God. I’m no Christopher Hutchins … but I think even he knew which battles were worth fighting and when it was apprpreiate to regroup.

To those who might think I’m weak becuase I choose not to fight these people, go with that if it makes you feel better. I just realize there is a time and place where it’s all right to be a shit disturber, and people who are mourning over heartbreak just doesn’t seem the right place to me. We’re there to heal from bad things that were done to us by people who claimed to love us, and while some might find anytime the right time to kick others when they are down, I find no honor in that and prefer to debate someone when they are at their best rather than pick on them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

I enjoy a good debate as much as the next person, I just think there are good times and bad times to champion the cause. If you disagree with me feel free to say so below and I look forward to hearing what you have to say regarding my situation in group but try to keep your comments in good taste and on topic. I’ll be around a few times to respond if necessary and am going to roam my favs and leave a few notes. Until then, everyone have a good week!

Peter