Looking back, looking forward…

It’s almost been two months since my father passed away, and I’m sad to say that life moves on. I hadn’t spent any meaningful time with my old man in years, so I kind of was already prepared for what was to come. My brothers and my step family are all taking the hit ten times harder than I am. Technically I lost my father three years ago, it only became official sixty days ago. I don’t feel bad because I spent the last year trying to set something up, and tried to bury the hatchet with my father. I attempted to make amends, but every attempt was rejected… so I’m not upset about what happened. I made an effort. I tried and couldn’t do more than what I did.

The interesting (or depressing depending on your perspective) part is my Dad was making plans to take a month long road trip starting this weekend with my older brother. If his heath hadn’t taken a complete nosedive and crashed and burned, he and Chris would have been out on the open road as of month. He worked a lot of OT at work to save up money to pay for this trip, and halfway through he summer, I specifically told him to stop it because the time he was wasting away was time he was going to regret wasting at work. I actually told him that he would be better off spending time with Dad now rather than save up for a trip that likely would never happen. Sometimes I hate being right all the time.

The only regret I have is that my Dad never got to meet and hang out with my daughters. He saw Katherine for a few minutes at Ethan’s graduation, but he never said anything to her and vice versa because Kat was a little shy around him. I was hoping for more, but it will go down as the only time Kat got to hang out with my old man. My ex-wife and my brother didn’t even want me to take Kat to the graduation, but I asked Ethan if it was okay with him because this was his day and I had his blessing. He loves his sister very much, and I could tell by how he acted that he liked having her there to share the day with him. I think they will both look back at the day fondly.

In nine days I’m going to turn 47, and this will be my first birthday without either of my parents here. This is not something either of my parents had to deal with themselves, and at least one grandparent on each side made it into their 90’s. I was hoping my old man would do something similar, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I’m going to move on and make the best of what I have rather than what I don’t have. I have an older brother that is very supporting, amazing kids that I love dearly, and my current health with is doing alright (knock on wood). Rather than look back, I’m choosing to look forward and make the best of what time I have, rather than squander it on petty bull crap.

Please remember our time isn’t infinite, and it’s later in the game than you think.

I plan to enjoy my 47th next week, and have fun. I hope you’ll all do the same.

Take care,

Peter