Little nervous and scared…

I’ve been a little on edge this week, and a little more hostile than usual. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s mine for not handling the situation as well as I probably should. I have an appointment coming up in two days and the closer it gets, the more scared I’m getting. This coming Thursday (the day after tomorrow) is my first appointment with a neurologist.

I’ve been eager and waiting a long time to get to this day… but the closer it gets, the more tense and edgy I’m getting. I don’t want it to be anything serious, but I can’t ignore the symtoms that are pretty much making everyday living diffifult. Part of me is eager to get in there so that the neurologist can laugh at me, and diagnois some small thing that the other doctors should have spotted and it’s over. Yet another part of me is truely petrified, scared to go there and get dozens of tests and what not done before getting some really ugly news.

I got upset earlier today to the point where I needed to go upstairs and lay down for a while. My hands were shaking and I just put on my MP3 player to settle down and listen to something soothing. Writing of any kind for me has been difficult since Saturday, but I’m going to try agian tomorrow morning on the Nanowrimo thing. I’ve got 4000 words, but I’m well behind where I was before, but at the moment I’m seriously distracted and unable to put anything down right now… maybe over the weekend after the appointment, things will get better.

I might even take a few days off from Open Diary. I let my nerves get to me and I was especially harsh to a few favorites with my notes about something that I shoudln’t and normally wouldn’t let bother me. I think a little break might be a good thing until I have something to report. I hate to leave everyone like this but I think a small OD break might be a good thing for now. Depending on what happens, I will likely come back on Thursday with a report on how things went.

So until I get back, everyone have a good week and take care…

Peter