Leaving only hurts the those left behind

I got some bad news from my Dad regarding the new family he married into. One of my new cousins was in the middle of a bad break up. She had been married and had two kids with this man. I heard about their separation a few months ago and I was quite surprised. I’ve know my step-mother and her family for a very long time, so I had met her husband years ago and we hung out at family barbecues, chit chated and he was very nice. We got along pretty well while the kids played in the pool, so to hear about their separation was quite the shock, but no where near as shocked as I was last week.

I found out recently that my cousin’s husband took his own life. He committed suicide.

I was stunned to hear the news, beyond stunned. Not only because he was a good man, but also because he was a very good father. He loved his kids and one would thing that’d be reason enough to want to stick around. Despite how ugly my separation was, suicide never crossed my mind, because the thought of leaving my kids that way just didn’t sit well with me.

When I was a volunteer moderator for a support group for people who were separated or divorced, I heard some stories from people about spouses who couldn’t take the news of their divorce and attempted to take their own lives. This is just the first time someone I know actually did it. I feel bad, not only for my friend who is no longer here, but his kids who will never grow to know what a great guy he was.

As much as my separation hurt, the idea of leaving everyone behind just to end my pain didn’t seem right. Regardless of how hurt I was, nothing lasts forever… even good and bad times. It could have been the same for my friend, and if I knew he was hurting this bad, I would have reached out to help. Now he’s gone and only the living will suffer with the consequences of that choice.

I get that separation and divorce feels like the end of the world, but I wish I could have told him it’s just a moment, and moments pass. Leaving only hurts those who are left behind to pick up the pieces. That’s why I could never do that. I love my family and especially my kids too much to even consider it, no matter how bad things got. He has so much to look forward to, and I feel bad he couldn’t see it.

I’ll miss him, as will many others. Watching and reading the reactions of others reminds me why this is not the answer. Leaving only hurts those left behind. Please keep that in mind if you ever feel tempted to check out. Remember the good moments, rather than the bad… and that while there are more bad moments to come, there are also good as well. Hang out a little longer, and take all the bad with the good.

Cheers,

Peter