An entry about gifts…

It’s a fact that men don’t get a lot of gifts, nowhere near as many as women and kids do. In the closing years of my first marriage, I went through an entire year without getting a single gift from anyone. Nothing from my wife, my parents, brothers… nothing. Not that I said anything or complained about it. If I want something badly, I’ll just buy it myself. Gifts were never the end all be all of affection for me, and I thought that was weird until I read a book that explained it rather well.

About year or so after my separation, a support group I attended for those dealing with divorce attended a function at the college here in town. A man named Gary Chapman was giving a free lecture for a book he had written called ‘The Five Love Languages’, which I was intrigued enough by to buy a copy after the presentation was over. I read the book from cover to cover that week, and it was amazing. I found his theory about love languages and how some are more important to others, and how that could be applied.

According to the book and its writer, there are five love languages:

1) Words of Affirmation

2) Acts of Service

3) Quality time

4) Gifts

5) Physical Touch.

Everyone likes most, if not all of these acts of love. Yet according to the writer of this book, different people respond better to what is their preferred language. If you can find out which language your spouse, kids and even parents prefer… then you can express your love in a way that will be better received. I’ll give you an example, while I don’t mind all five of the languages it’s clear my preference is words of affirmation. I would prefer a word of encouragement over the other four, while you would still get a warm reception from the others too.

My Dad is always cleaning, to the point where we suspect he might have OCD. So without a shadow of a doubt, his love language is acts of service. I put that to the test a few years ago when I was visiting him and Mom in Nashville the summer after I read this book. When Dad was at work one day, I went out and raked the grass, shoveled all the dog poop, and cleaned the pool. I even had Mom drive me to the grocery store so we could refresh the fridge and pick out supper. When Dad got home, all the chores he had planned were already done. I could tell by the smile he had on his face and the hug I got showed me that I was clearly speaking his language.

Getting back to the topic at hand, Gifts was the lowest love language for most of my family. Ethan’s preferred language is quality time, where Jon’s was physical touch, which means physical affection like hugs, holding hands, etc. I still buy gifts for my kids and even my dad, but I don’t go overboard because I am aware that isn’t their primary language. It’s also why I don’t get upset when I’m not showered in gifts either, because when I took the survey, gifts was dead last on my list of preferences. I preferred the other four a lot higher than gifts. It doesn’t mean I don’t like them, but if I had a choice I’d prefer one of the other four languages instead.

While gifts is not my primary love language, getting nothing sometimes is a hit to the ego. I know I shouldn’t give a shit about it, but rather than whine about it and point fingers at people for possibly being insensitive, I decided to take matters into my own hands and do something else to resolve the issue. When I was speaking to a friend one day, she told me about Reddit Gifts. It’s a website that holds the biggest Secret Santa exchange in the world. This website’s Xmas exchange is so popular, the website now does seasonal and even month exchanges once a month. Last year, over 500,000 people participated in least year’s Secret Santa… which was a world record. So three years ago, I signed up with my Reddit account and participated in my first exchange, and it was fun. Not only because I got a gift, but because I gave one to someone else as well! I do enjoy buying gifts for other people, and I like the idea of getting something nice for someone out there who like myself could use a little more love in the gift department.

In the last three years, I have participated in over 30 exchanges, and I have no plans to stop. When signing up for an exchange you also have the option to exchange with someone in your own country, or you can select international and exchange with someone from any other part of the world. I’ve gotten gifts from France, Finland, and even Russia just to name a few. While shipping is a tad more expensive, I’ve also enjoyed delivering some Canadian coolness to other parts of the world. When I’m doing well financially, I’ve sometimes spent more than the recommended $20 limit, but never expect more than that when receiving a gift. Here are some examples of some amazing gifts I’ve been given over the last three years:

 

This is from the Basketball 2015 exchange: Raptor hats for me and Ethan!

 

This was from a Sauce exchange, which I put to good use in the kitchen.

 

This was one of my favorite exchanges: Colors! You pick your favorite
color, and get gifts. As you can see, my favorite color was Orange.
And yes, that is a Clockwork Orange shirt!

 

This was a pretty amazing gift I got for the Sci-Fi/Fantasy exchange.
A handmade picture from the Hobbit, on wood! So awesome.

 

This was my gift from the 2016 Basketball exchange. Don’t worry, the
person who I gifted got two seats to an NBA game: Raptors vs. Nuggets.

 

As you can see, I’m enjoying the love I’m getting from these exchanges, and I try very hard to go out of my way to give gifts as great as the ones that I receive. Last year I gave House Stark wine glasses to a Game of Thrones fan, a doctor who encyclopedia to a Sci-Fi can just getting into the show, and many other cools things. I try to hover around a $30 buck budget, but my current record for one gift since I started is $75.

This month, I just signed up for my first two exchanges of 2018… and am already on the ball. I ordered two books in Indigo for someone in Quebec. Books are very expensive to ship because of weight, but if I spend more than $25 on Indigo the shipping is free. So instead of just buying one book and paying the same price to ship it, I can buy two books online and double the gift!

Besides the book exchange is another yearly favorite of mine: Snacks. I usually got international for this one, cause I like to get snacks from different parts of the world. This year I got someone in Oregon for the exchange, and I will be sending this person a box full of crazy Canadian snacks that are not available to buy in the US. Like Ketchup and Poutine flavored potato chips. We got a lot of cool, but weird snacks up here so this person will be getting a tone of them shipped out this week.

So rather than gripe about people I know neglecting me, this is how I solved my gift problem. I’ve enjoyed my participation in the exchanges being run by Reddit Gifts and plan to keep participating for a long time. The idea of sending a gift to someone else and brightening their day is just as fun as getting a gift in return. If you guys want to get in on the fun, you can sign up here.

Because who doesn’t love gifts, right?

Peter