Just floating along…don’t mind me….

Please don’t rock my boat if you do see me pass by.  I don’t know if I could take the stress of a rocking boat if you do.  Of course one of you could be an asshole and do it anyway now that you know my weakness.  It is bad enough that these damned waves of this water I’m floating on swing this boat to and fro.  Oh how I long for land, but I think that land is just a fairy tale.  There’s no way land can be real.  Pfft, land….what a joke.

*sigh*

Did anyone hear that?  Damn, I guess not.  Too bad I’m horrible at being an attention whore.  Guess I should work on other deficiencies first.  Like my inability to make decisions.  Should I head north, south, east or west?  Go up in the sky or sink myself to the depths of the ocean?  I guess anywhere would be good better than out here, drifting along.  Look at this nice outboard motor I’ve got too.  Sure it’s not much, but it could get me somewhere.  But I’m afraid of what may be where I choose to go.  I’m even afraid of the journey.  Think of all the sharks, reefs, and pirates I’ll encounter.  But then again, I may find land….

NO…I c…..can’t……It’s just too much to bare…too much possible pain….must just keep floating, dealing with what floats near me.  I can’t use this motor anway, I don’t know how to use it.  Well, I know how to use it, I’ve read everything about it, know ever button and switch….hell, I could even take it apart and repair it if I needed to…theoretically.  But I’ve never used it so how do I really know I can use it without making a mistake?  Oh my, if I made a mistake, life would go on it would just be too humiliating, so devastating.  I doubt I could recover. You would recover. 

SHUT UP…SHUT THE FUCK UP…*I cover my ears*

Get out of my shell, I refuse to leave. Its so quiet and comfortable.  Warm, yet not to hot.  Cool but not too cold.  Soft but not so soft it aches the back.  Hard, yet not so hard that it is uncomfortable.  So, you dont really know what comfort is, youve never seen what comforts lie outside this shell…..perfect.  My shell, protect me.  I hope I can emerge from you stay with you forever.