Woman Vs. Tree

I stumbled upon yet another video on YouTube and for me, this one really hit home.  I want to assume that this video will likely affect many, if not all, of the men who watch it.  Yes, it is a rather long video, but I think it is worth spending the 25 minutes to watch and take in.  Shouts out to Average Man Unplugged channel over there on YouTube, by the way.    

So, the question being posed in this video is very simple.

As a man, would you rather tell your deepest, darkest secrets to a woman or to a tree?

I will agree with all the men in this video.  All day, every day, I’m telling my deepest, darkest secrets to a tree.  I don’t see the benefit of telling anything to a woman and I have a myriad of reasons for feeling this way.  Being that this is my diary/journal/writing space, I can only speak about me and my experiences.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been “shamed” for feeling anything other than happy.  I hate this modern term, but many times in the past, I’ve been “shamed” for having feelings and for expressing emotions to a woman.  Inevitably, my previous disclosures of my feelings have been used against me, in what I’ve perceived as efforts to judge me, attack me, and even call me wrong for feeling whatever way I was feeling at the time.  Apparently, if I’m not happy, something is wrong with me because as a man, I need to “get over it” and/or stop being sensitive.  As a man, I am not allowed to have feelings because having and even expressing feelings is not masculine and it suggests that something is wrong with me.

I’m not allowed to wallow in my feelings and often, I’ve been downed for not getting over things quickly, again, like somehow, I’m weak because I allow my feelings to fester and get the better of me.  I’m not allowed to let my feelings take their course, because as a man, I shouldn’t let negative feelings bring me down…ever.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to get over whatever the hell it is that is bothering me, because a woman says that I need to.    

There have been times where I’ve second-guessed myself about revealing my feelings to a woman, later wondering if those very feelings that I just disclosed will become fodder for a conversation between that woman and a multitude of her friends.  I don’t need to be the center of attention like that. I guess in some way, I’ve developed a distrust of women because of the way that they talk and gossip with each other about seemingly anything and everything.  Why should I think that any disclosure of feelings I make to a woman would stay with that woman?  They all talk and I’m convinced that their conversations would definitely include bashing a man for being vulnerable.    

By expressing my feelings, I’ve been accused of complaining about things that I shouldn’t be complaining about, regardless of whatever my reason or reasons might be.  I’ve been labeled as immature, like by disclosing any adverse feelings I might have, I’m somehow acting like a little boy, or even a little girl because again, I truly just need to “get over it” and shut up.                    

I’ve even been attacked for communicating and not giving the woman eye contact as I speak.  What if I don’t want to give you eye contact?  What if I want to look forward and off into the distance as I gather my thoughts and consider telling you what’s on my mind?  I don’t need to look at you and I will exercise the option not to look at you if I so please.

As I watched this video, seeing that man literally talk to a tree and expose his feelings to that tree kind of hit me hard.  I know that some people will see that think that it’s funny, but for me, this is the very thing that men are essentially saying that we would do, rather than opening ourselves up to a woman.  It truly is a shame that this video had to be made and that the question within had to even be posed, but unfortunately, this is where women have driven us.       

I’m done being needlessly vulnerable.  I’m done expressing myself.  I’m done telling things to women.  I just need to be my normal, stoic self and stop haphazardly throwing my cards on the table.  This whole “expressing feelings to a woman” is a game that I don’t need to be playing.  I am effectively tapping out and walking away from the table.

Sorry ladies, you lose.  Hands down, the trees win and in some way, so do men.