Wasted Time And Energy

We had quite the week.  That’s probably quite the understatement, but that’s what I’m going with. 

As I’ve told you many times before, I hate it when we argue.  I know that arguing takes time away from when we could be nice to each other and doing things to build up and strengthen our relationship, rather than engage in behavior and exchanges of words that always seem to do more harm than good. 

I know that I said this yesterday and on Thursday, but I’ll say it again. 

I’m sorry.

I know that I have things about me that I need to work on and I guess, as much as I want to deny it, I’m still very much a work in progress.  In the end, I’m glad that you’re willing to remain on this crazy ride with me as I work through those issues.

We already discussed all of that madness to which I subjected us on Thursday and I don’t see any reason to resurrect that argument and relive it all.  I know that I need to communicate with you a lot better than I have been.  I’m working towards getting better with that. 

Now, yesterday (08/16), was something that I think we both could have avoided getting overly heated over.  I want you to understand that I wasn’t entirely happy with you because of what I perceived to have been your insensitivity and your lack of understanding of everything you had put me through.  Just because I wasn’t happy with you, this did not mean that I was mad or upset with you.  Even still, you considered me to be upset with you and you proceeded to lash out at me accordingly.  I was not mad at you.  Maybe I was irritated?  Maybe I was frustrated? 

Regardless of how everything played out, you know that I was going to be there for you, no matter the place, no matter the time.  We were going to coordinate schedules and everything was going to play out the way that you had intended anyway.  In the end, everything worked out.  It just took an especially bumpy road to get there, but we made it. 

I acknowledge your efforts to thank me yesterday and show your gratitude and rest assured that I appreciated everything that you did. 

As I’ve told you many times before, I know that you hate it when I’m upset, whether I’m upset with you or pretty much anything else.  You hate it when I’m way off my baseline and know that I hate it too, but sometimes, that’s going to happen.  What you need to understand is that I take a lot longer to get over things than you do.  Allow me that time to cool down and return to what you know to be as my normal.  When you try to rush that, that’s when I stay upset and I end up taking that much longer to return to my normal self, which is the version of me that I know you love and have come to expect.

I like that we are able to talk about things and develop that understanding, without judgment, name-calling, or really any of the negativity that fueled the argument that we just had.  I know that we have the potential to say very hurtful things to each other and we need to stop being so destructive.  I promise you that I am working on getting better with not hurting you with my words.  I want to get better with bringing my worries and concerns to you first, without lashing out first and leaving you wondering what the hell is wrong with me…this time. 

As I write this, I am calm.  I’m not upset with you.  I’m back to what you know as my normal. 

As is typical for me, all it takes is time.  I’ve cooled down.  I’ve returned to normal.  My senses have since returned.  I need you to understand that this is how I operate. 

I truly hope that we can avoid our next potential argument/misunderstanding through improved communication and understanding, because as I have said before, I HATE arguing with you.

We just need to not get heated over dumb stuff. 

Arguing is just a waste of time and energy.  Let’s not waste any more time fussing and fighting.  You and I are so much better than that.