Thinking Back
I may never know your motivation or what drew you to me earlier in the year. Even though we’ve spoken about how you made, what I have come to regard, as a series of calculated moves when Jackie left, I am still somewhat disappointed in myself for not “seeing” you so much sooner. Granted, I know why you acted when you did, as you told me yourself that you were merely timing everything to coincide with Jackie’s departure from the office. I guess I just look back to how maybe you and I could have gotten started in January or February, but in thinking about how the dynamics of the office and our workplace were at that time, I can see why you might have held off. Jackie and I were attached at the hip, which would have made it damn near impossible for you and I to have hung out and spend any time together during the workday. I wouldn’t have regarded Jackie to be the jealous type, being that she and I did not have anything remotely resembling any kind of an intimate relationship. But, as far as professional obligations go, she and I were a team. We had worked together for about a year and we had everything down to a science, as far as how we got our jobs done as a duo. Then, as you know, Jackie left the office and made her way to Las Vegas. It would be only days after she left, that in early May, you would make the first of your many moves that would gradually remind me that you were there and force me to take notice of you. I am so glad that you did what you did.
As you know, I had a tough time dealing with Jackie leaving, more than I would have anticipated. Then you came in and suddenly, I found myself feeling better and being able to cope with her departure as just another life event. Change happens all the time. It’s always a matter of how we deal with those changes that shape us as people. Sometimes we need a helping hand to get us through. In this case, that helping hand was you. Jackie and I still maintain daily contact with our early morning text messages during the week. Many of those text messages are about the day before and how things continue to happen in the office, even in the now months after she left. She continues to draw comparisons with how her professional life is now in Nevada compared to what she left behind in California and believe me when I tell you, she hates working in Nevada. She’s still adjusting to those many changes. Only recently have I told her about you, in that, you have seemingly taken up the proverbial mantle in her place. She had randomly asked me last week if I had finally replaced her. I told her that while I could never replace her, I know of someone who is especially eager and looking to take over the mantle. In the end, I revealed to her that that someone was you. I couldn’t really gage her reaction, in that I didn’t get any indication that she was upset, afraid, or even surprised by it. She just seemed to acknowledge it, without offering me any kind of emotion or opinion. She had to know that I was eventually going to move on and truth be told, her reaction was not going to dictate how I was going to proceed.
And then with such conviction and assertiveness, this week you took the position by the throat and told me that yes, you would become my fourth work wife. You said this with such an assertive and declarative tone that not only was I excited for you to have been so ecstatic to take on the role, but since I am not used to you being so assertive, I found that one seemingly meaningless gesture to have been so powerful and even, dare I say, sexy as hell.
We both know that you’re still in the midst of your training for work and as I have counted down exactly how long that will take you, I have come to realize that you will be in those training sessions for 20 total days, which will take us through 10/11/23. 20 days is a long time to be without you. As I look at a calendar, that is damn near two months before we will be in a position to see each other on a more consistent (read: daily) basis. I will miss you for each and every one of those 20 days and even though we will see each other in between those 20 days, it always pains me just a little to go even a day without seeing you. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. I miss you a lot when we’re not together.
What I can tell you is that I can’t wait until your training is finally over and we can discover and develop what our work “normal” is going to be like. I know that I no longer have to ask if you and I will be spending our days together, as there now that understanding that Serena and I will now be the ones attached at the hip, conducting our business as a duo. I want people in the office to have that same understanding, so that there’s no question as to with whom I will spend my days. What I want you to also understand is that I am not looking to replace you, nor am I looking to spend my days with anyone other than you. You are it and will be “it” for the foreseeable future.
I guess what I’m really wanting to say, even in this long-winded kind of way is this. Thank you for choosing me. You didn’t have to. You could have picked anyone else in that office, but for whatever the reason, you picked me. I’m going to let my confidence shine through, maybe just a little, when I say that I know that there had to be something about me, maybe if only just one thing, that drew you to me and I am glad that you saw whatever that was.
To some degree, it was life-changing.