Things That Are Annoying: Revisited

Someone on this particular diary site went ahead and created this listing about those things that she found to be annoying.  I don’t know if this was an honest attempt to be funny or if she had intended to be quite serious in her assessments, but I thought I’d go ahead and take a closer look at the listing and see if there’s some merit to anything here.  As I tend to believe that there’s usually an answer for everything in the world, perhaps I can offer some additional insight in regards to some of these things.  Let’s see.  What exactly do we have here?  In case it’s not painfully obviously, my quips are in the bold italics.       

• Losing the remote even though you were just holding it. Then searched for it, couldn’t find it anywhere. Three days later it turns up under your pillow. Even though you swore you looked there. Such a remote conspiracy.  I got it.  How about leaving your remote control in one place and perhaps a more logical spot than under the pillow?  I’ve lost remotes in the past but never have they gone missing for 72 minutes, much less 72 hours.     
• People that park right next to the cart holding place…and still leave their shopping cart inside the parking slot.  Over here, the Mexicans who frequent the local Wal-Mart do that all the time.  Sometimes you’ll find five or six carts in the parking space right next to the cart holding place.  I’d side with you on this one.  Go the extra three feet and put your damn carts back!   
• Mechanical pencils…that break everytime you put the tip to the piece of paper.  Aren’t you an adult?  What in the hell are you doing still using pencils?  I suppose if you’re taking a test on a Scantron or something, that’s understandable.     
• Bad sex…..enough said.  Well, men usually don’t consider sex to ever be THAT bad.  Then again, if your partner looks like Dennis Rodman in drag, maybe you’d have a point.   
• Non-airconditioned places…it’s Summer and 2006…get some central air fuckers.  I don’t think the current time and date matter a whole lot.  Hot is hot, no matter what the clock or calendar say.  Let’s cut people some slack here.  AC is expensive.  Not everyone has it.  Even in the California desert, we still hear of the elderly keeling over.  I say if you’re some place where AC is non-existent, then get the hell out of that place.       
• Guys that tell you their penis is like 7 inches plus, only to find out…it’s not even close to that.  I read somewhere that the average size is closer to 5 inches.  Still even so, that’s just an average.  I wouldn’t know either way since mine is closer to 9 inches anyway. 
• Republicans.
• People that lie.  Lying is a defense mechanism.  We all lie at some point in our lives, some of us even daily.  I figure if you’re going to be a liar, at least be convincing.  Did I mention that I was about 9 inches long?   
• When you buy an eight dollar bag of jolly ranchers…for just cherry ones…and you run out.  I don’t know what you’re doing jocking the cherry Jolly Ranchers.  It’s the apple and grape ones that are absolutely the bomb.    
• Fox News.  It could be worse.  You could be watching CSPAN or the Disney Channel.  Raven Simone is fat, by the way.   
• People that call, let it ring for 10000 times, and then decide leaving a message is too much work. Stop being annoying and then deciding to be lazy.  I do that.  I know it’s not right but sometimes I tend to be very indecisive.  I need to dial the phone and know beforehand if I’m going to leave a message or just have the phone ring 10,000 times.  I need to choose one over the other and not do both.  I’m still working on that.     
• Guys that talk about things that aren’t sexual during sex. It’s not a conversation. Just fuck me.  Amen to that, sister!  It’s sex, not a roundtable discussion or an open forum.  Some men don’t understand that.   
• People who have accents I can’t understand.  I’m Mexican and sometimes the people around here speak in accents and tones that even I can’t comprehend.  I don’t know what to tell you.   
• Anything but Fat-free milk.  Fat-free milk is basically white water.  What’s the point of drinking fat-free milk?  That’s like deliberately eating a vegetarian pizza or drinking rubbing alcohol. 
• People that work at fast-food chains. And you were the fatest sperm?  Work is work.  It’s not always glamourous, like working at the local Wal-Mart or KFC, but it’s income.  Unless you like diving into dumpsters for the latest in disposable cuisine, don’t knock the working class.  Now, if you’re doing the fast-food thing and you’re not in high school or wearing adult diapers, then you might be on to something.   
• People that spread rumors. Grow up.  Yeah, let’s leave the rumors to all of those really nosy and immature kids in middle school.  
• People that talk about religion and politics when they get drunk. Or…people that talk about religion and politics sober.  I tend not to get into religion and/or politics…ever.    
• People that refuse to shower. Are you trying to kill people?  In some places, they don’t even make you pay for water and many 99 cent stores carry soap, so there really is no excuse.  It’s a conscious decision to not want to shower.  Unless you’re handicapped, you need to wash your ass at least once a day, maybe twice during the summer.   
• Purses that can’t fit anything in them. What’s the point of that?  I suppose that does defeat the purpose.  I do find it particularly entertaining though when women (and some men) use their purses as weapons.  A purse, when spinning at top speed can inflict some major damage, I’m sure.   
• Headaches.  Migraines especially, I know.  I get headaches myself, but like most men, I don’t get them when it time to have sex. 
• Math….and….Science. BLAH.  I like math.  Social science all the way.  Chem

istry and biology I can do without.

Ryan Seacreast.  He’s gay anyway.  And if through some miracle of God he isn’t, he should be.   

Men that cry too much. Sure it’s ok to cry…but not around me. Grow a dick.  So are you saying that it’s bad for a gay man, like Ryan Seacrest, to cry?  Also, are you implying that men who cry lack penises?   

People that have superman metabolisms. I hate you.  Yeah, we’re fat.  I figure, just go with it.  Why fight it?

Fireworks, and fireworks related holidays.  Yeah well, over here Mexicans here go ape when the 4th Of July rolls around.  Strangely enough, most of those aforementioned Mexicans couldn’t tell you a damn thing about the historical significance of Independence Day.  I’m not a fan of fireworks, firecrackers, or fire in general.  Bad things happen when people start messing around with fire.  Just ask anyone who’s had their house burn down.      

Exes. Die. 

People that have children…that shouldn’t have them. Learn to parent.  It seems that those who shouldn’t be parents end up having the most kids.  Talk about a negative correlation.  Most parenting classes are free, but most parents would be damned to admit that they’re lousy at it and need help. 

People that have no food in the fridge and buy pay-per-views.  That’s like owning a Ford Pinto with hydraulics and a sound system.  The Mexicans around here are weird, I tell you.  Well, we all prioritize things differently I guess.     

When the cable goes out…right in the middle of you watching something.  That’s like going limp while masturbating, not like that’s ever happened to me or anything.  I was just saying. 

WWJD. He’d tell you to shut the fuck up.  He would probably say that or maybe something to that effect, but I don’t know if he would actually curse in the process.  Maybe he’d say, "Shut the hell up" or something like that.   

Stupid people.  I will agree with that but consider this.  Without stupid people, how would we know just how smart the rest of us really are?  There has to be some kind of measuring stick here.   

Sun.  Yeah, like I need to be any darker than I already am.  I’ll take gloom and a downpour any day.    

When the air conditioning doesn’t work in the car.  I’ve been rolling around in a sauna ever since February.  My car’s so hot the devil himself would complain about the heat. 

Ignorant, Judgmental people.  I can’t stand ignorant and judgmental people.  They always want to down somebody without taking a look at themeselves first.  They’re so retarded.   

Stupid people with video cameras that record their girlfriends or boyfriends in some massive accident. Put the camera down and help.  Hmmm, I wonder about that though.  I do agree with that, but if you were the one recording the Rodney King beating, would you put the camera down to help a man who was getting his ass beat by multiple cops with batons?  There’s a good chance that King wouldn’t have been the only person to have gotten his ass beat that night.  You have to pick your battles.   

People that have money and don’t give me any.  Damn the rich.  I suppose if you gave them a reason to or asked nicely, I’m sure they kick you in a few bucks.   

People that sing and dance…and aren’t funny or good.  And we all know that there are way the hell too many to name.   

Annoying survey people that post nothing but surveys on their diary. At least talk about something else. Fuckers.  I left all of that survey stuff back in college, when I had to survey people for a grade.  Besides, surveying people gives the impression that you care about what others have to say and really, who wants that?   

Batteries that run out too fast.  Hmmm, are Duracells and Energizers really that expensive?  I’d make it a point to stay from those EverReady’s or those Radio Shack brand batteries.   

Food that is burned.  Eating carbon is never good.  If you don’t mind eating burned food, try downing a lump of charcoal.  I don’t even think that poor people eat burned food.  

Stupid waitors and waitresses.  But you know what?  Some waitresses are hot, so it balances out.  I might get bad service but at least I’ve got something to look at.     

People that don’t listen.  Huh, what was that?  I was digging in my nose and I almost had it but I just pushed it back up my nostril.