Stupid Survey: Revisited

01. Would you ever stuff an entire pineapple in your mouth? Now, what kind of retarded question is that?  I mean, really.  I don’t mind people asking all of that sexually explicit stuff, but damn, stuffing entire pineapples in one’s mouth?  That’s just dumb.  Anyway, to answer you question, I’ll say no.  I just buy the canned Dole pineapples like normal people do.   

02. Would it fit? Would it fit?  Do you think it would fit?  I don’t know where you live but around here, no one I know can stuff an entire pineapple in their mouth.  Again, people around here just buy pineapple in the can.  And no, the can wouldn’t fit in anyone’s mouth either. 

03. Do you know the lyrics to ‘Superalifragilisticexpialedocious’? Man, hell no!  If you’re over the age of 4 and still singing that nonsense, you deserve to be run over by a double-decker bus.  Besides, everyone in the free world knows that you spelled the name of the song incorrectly.   

04. If not, why not? Because I’m not 4 years old and because I don’t eat Pla-Doh.  Also, because I don’t sniff glue or rubber cement.   

05. How many times a day do you yawn? I don’t know.  I’ve never been bored enough to actually count that sort of thing.  That would be like tracking the flight pattern of a gnat.   

06. Do know Bob? Bob, who?  Hope?  And weave?  For apples?  Next time when you ask a stupid question, try and be as specific as possible as to not make yourself look like a complete moron. 

07. MySpace or Xanga, which is better? Really, does it matter?  That’s like asking which would you rather eat?  Dog shit or cat shit?

08. Is cheese your favourite food? Hell no!  If I were a mouse, maybe it would be.  Damn, who asks these questions anyway?

09. What’s your favourite winged animal? Pterodactyls. 

10. Do you like Harry Potter?  No. 

11. When I say, ‘Waffles’, what comes to mind? Dinner. 

12. Does Bob know where you live? Why in the hell are you so concerned about Bob and what he’s doing?  Why can’t you just leave Bob the hell alone?   

13. Do you like walking in the rain? No, that’s why they invented umbrellas. 

14. Did you ever get Pneumonia from walking in the rain? No, I’ve never been stupid enough to intentionally walk in the rain without an umbrella.  Maybe you like getting sick, but I sure as hell don’t. 

15. What’s the most random fact you know? What the hell is a random fact?  How about you’re obsessed with Bob and everything he does?  Why don’t you just call him if you’re that concerned about him?   

16. Can you keep secrets? No, unless the price is right. 

17. Wanna hear a secret? No and you’d better stop spreading rumors before someone beats your ass. 
18. Wanna hear Bob’s secret? Hey, what you and Bob have going on is none of my business.  I’d prefer to not get involved. 

19. Why did the Chicken cross the road? Probably to get to the other side to avoid having to do another one of these surveys.

20. Do you like tanning? No, I’m tanned enough as it is.  Madonna should get herself a tan.  She practially glows in the dark. 

21. Did you ever get sunburnt so bad, you looked like a lobster? No, I’m never in the sun long enough to burn, flake, or peeI.  It’s usually too damn hot to be outside anyway.

22. Have you ever eaten lobster? No, I’m not really into seafood or anything you have to boil alive in order for it to taste good.

23. Was it good? Weren’t you paying attention?  Nosy, obsessed over Bob, and now deaf.

24. Are you superstitious? No, whatever happens to me is usually a result of my own stupidity and not the result of my not carrying a rabbit’s foot, horseshoe, or any other kind of talisman.

25. Does, ‘Knock On Wood’, mean something to you? Well, yeah, but we’re in mixed company. 

26. Do you have a metal plate in your head? No.  Do you?

27. Bumblebee, isn’t that a nice word? Sure, if you have the mentality of a kindergartener, then I guess it would be a nice word?  Frankly, I think that "mental illness" has more flair to it.   

28.Are you and Bob close friends? Hey, I’m not the one constantly bringing him up, wondering what he’s doing and everything.  It seems to me that you’re the one who wants to get closer to Bob, not me.

29. Did you watch ‘Friends’? No, Jennifer Anniston looks like a troll and the rest of the cast wasn’t that funny to begin with.  I’d rather dig in my nose after I’ve just cut my fingernails.   

30. Were you sad when it finished? Yeah, sad that it would probably return in syndication. 

31. Have you ever wished you were someone else? Yes, someone smart enough to steer clear of these damn surveys.

32. Does Bob know this? Grammar’s not your strong suit, is it?  Do Bob know what?  Do Bob know that you have feelings for him?  Why don’t you just tell him how you feel and stop beating around the bush?! 

33. How many toes do you have? 10.  I haven’t lost any of them yet.   

34. Nighttime or Daytime, which is better? Definitely night time.  It’s easier to hide a dead body once the sun’s gone down.  Like I mentioned earlier, it’s too damn hot outside when the sun’s out.    <span style="FONT-

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35. Would you say Bob is random? There we go again with the Bob stuff.  Since apparently we’re still in middle school, would you like me to pass a note to him?  Why do you draft one of those notes where you ask him if he likes you and then you give him two boxes to put a checkmark in, one for Yes and one for No.  Let’s just get to the bottom of this once and for all!