Still Walking Out

This is shaping up to be a decent week.  At least, I think it is.

I want to say that I’ve taken control of some of the things that have bothered me at work and I’m finally doing everything in my power to show that I have reached a point where I have stopped giving a fuck.  I’ve never cared about how people see or perceive me, because those opinions don’t matter to me.  I don’t ever want to feel like I need to put on a show for anyone and otherwise come off as false or phony.  I’m going to be me and if people like it, then great.  If they don’t like me, I don’t care.  I don’t go to work to make or be friends.  I do my job to the best of my ability.  I come in ridiculously early.  I leave when I’m supposed to.  I do what I can to avoid people and I keep to myself.  I try to lay low and I never want to be in the spotlight, be it good or bad.  I don’t need or crave the attention.  At the end of the day, attention doesn’t get me paid.  Performance and production do and I am very good at what I do.

Today would mark the second consecutive day where I walked out of the office when I my shift was over and didn’t interact with anyone as I left.  I packed up my stuff, shut my computer down, and walked out.  I didn’t make it a point to bid anyone farewell, nor wish anyone a good weekend.  I don’t care that much to say goodbye to these people.  All I want to do is walk right out of that door, get to my car, and drive off.  And indeed, that’s exactly what I did.  It felt great again and I’m hoping that this can become my normal.  When I need to leave, I just leave.  I don’t need to say bye to anyone.  I don’t want to interact with anyone.  Fuck them.  I just need to go and exit the office as quickly as I can, without needing to be social as I walk out.

The “work” at work is not the problem.  It’s the people there that ruin the experience and make going to work the damn chore that it has become.  As I find myself caring less and less, work has started to become more tolerable again.  I just need to maintain that focus and stop giving a damn.  I think I’m getting there.

I’ll be working again tomorrow.  This will be another opportunity for me to practice not caring and I’m actually looking forward to it.  I know I can do it.  I am confident.  I’ve got this.