Ready For A Reset

As weird as this might sound, I am actually looking forward to this weekend coming to an end and for the new work week to get underway. I’ve about had it with today and can’t wait for Monday to get here.

I spent my fair share of time today on the local roads. I was almost struck by a motorist who decided that they were going to run that red light. I hadn’t moved a few feet before I had to jam on the break again. Other cars and drivers on the road, be damned. This sort of thing happens way too often, where cars are consistently running what they think are yellow lights. Actually, I’ve seen drivers blatantly run red lights, so really, the colors of these traffic lights make little difference. I see it all the time. People just don’t give a damn about traffic laws and rules of the road. Someone is going to get killed out there. It’s going to happen. We may not see it, but it’s going to happen.

I worked both Saturday and Sunday, for a combined total of 10 hours or so, give or take 30 minutes. I want to say that I got a lot of quality writing done on both days and that I was productive during those 10 hours, though my weekend probably would have been more comfortable had Ernie not come in on both days. It’s bad enough I have to tolerate him during the week, but for him to invade and infect my weekend, is just terrible. I didn’t interact with him much, thankfully, but the fact that he was there was enough to nearly ruin my work weekend. His presence alone, even if quiet, gets on my nerves.

She and I got into it again, albeit briefly, about how I don’t care, about how everything has to be about me, and how I everyone wanted to check in on her on Friday, everyone except me. I have reached a point where I can’t win with her and so I think I’m going to stop playing the game entirely. I always try to plead my case with her, so that maybe she can see things from my perspective, and in the end, it never works. No matter what I say or do, I am always wrong. I figure that she can rely on and put her head on the shoulders of any one of the other people who checked in on her this past Friday. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I never seem to get it right. I truly don’t know what more I can do, but I keep losing and it’s tiring.

I might not work this coming Friday. I haven’t had a Friday off in several months and I’m thinking that I’m overdue for a three-day weekend. Normally, I’m supposed to have every Friday off anyway, but for much of the past year, the Friday overtime has been enticing. With the way that I’ve been feeling lately, about giving up and not helping others anymore, maybe a day off will be good for me? We shall see.

Tomorrow, my work week kicks off at 4:45am. That time can’t get here fast enough.

I’m done with this weekend, as well as the week that was. All of this shit was way the hell too emotional and it really didn’t have to be that way. Even when I thought I was doing the right thing, somehow I was wrong.

I’m tired of being wrong. I’m tired of getting things wrong. I miscalculate. I misjudge. I misconstrue. I have poor timing. I don’t ask the right questions. I’m not timely. I don’t act properly. I keep messing all this up. I don’t have the energy for it anymore.

I want to win again. I want to get it right. Something has to change and right now, I’m thinking that the one thing that has to change is me.

Hopefully, I figure it out sooner rather than later, because I don’t have the strength for this anymore.

Here’s hoping for a much improved week, because I definitely don’t want to endure another week of nonsense like I did last week.

I am done. New week, let’s go.