Part 4: Work Wife #4?
So, after having said all of that, and doing so across now four separate entries, I am now left in a position where I am asking, “What now?” Maybe I do know? Maybe I’m doubting things? Maybe I need some clarity? Those are a lot of “maybes”. There’s a lot going on in my head right now. It comes with the territory. I think a lot. Maybe even too much?
I said a lot of stuff in those work wife entries, a lot of stuff that prior to writing it all down, I didn’t think, believe, or know existed. Or maybe I knew they existed all along, but it wasn’t until I took the time to write them down did it all suddenly become real. Indeed, everything just became very real.
Having said all of that, here’s what I do know.
I like Serena very much and I truly do care for her and about her. Two months ago, she sought me out, even though she had no reason to do so. She pursued me and I, like a moron, chose to ignore her and hoped that like a disease, she would go away on her own if given enough time. One day, I will apologize to her for doing so, for treating her that way. Now, and yes, in retrospect, that was not fair to her and if things had gone a different way because of my actions, I would have missed out on someone who is very special.
I enjoy talking to her every chance I am afforded, and she is aware of this. I’ve told her this many times already, especially of late, because our schedules have aligned very poorly because her being in training and my being on vacation. She knows that I always look forward to our conversations, whether these are to occur in person, by phone, or even through text message. Having said that, there are still a few things that I’ve kept to myself and have yet to share with her. Serena is a beautiful person, inside and out. There’s just something magical about her, something that I can’t always see, but instead, something that I can feel when she is near or when we are talking. I don’t have the words to describe it, but there is definitely something there when she is around and it captivates me.
We might be able to make this work marriage thing work out, just like I did with Carmen, Christina, and Jackie years and even just mere months ago. I don’t want to compare Serena to any of those three because each one of them had their own special qualities. It just so happens that now might be Serena’s time.
It’s amazing how sometimes in life, we make plans that we think are rock solid and then suddenly, without warning, those plans change and they do so for the better. Sometimes when we open our hearts, we allow the world’s beauty and wonder to enter and change us for the better, even if temporarily. There is something truly special about Serena. Sometimes I have the words to describe it and sometimes I am at a loss for just the right way to say it.
Serena knows of my affinity for writing and for my always trying to use the right word to say what I mean. Given the anonymity of this sort of online forum, she will never see or read any of what I have written about her. What this means, is that if she is to know what I’ve written here today, I’m going to have to find the time and opportunity to tell her.
Timing and courage will again have to align just perfectly all over again, but in the end, I know that Serena is worth it and that she ought to know. Only time will tell where we go from here, but I am optimistic.