Not A Communications Major But…

I often find myself in the midst of situations that make no sense. It seems that the moment that I introduce some sense into those situations, or try to, that’s when I run into problems.

I don’t read much, but I read somewhere that women are supposed to be master communicators, or at least, the better of the two genders when it comes to conveying thoughts, ideas, and emotions. It seems that of late, I have come to question that, though I will say that it’s not entirely fair to attribute one’s ability to communicate by solely basing this on their gender. Some women communicate poorly. Some men communicate poorly. In this regard, sometimes individual differences prevail and take center stage. Gender plays little role, if any, though some might have you believe that it’s that important, when really, it isn’t.

Perish the thought that I should tell someone how I am taking their words and how those words are landing. Now I didn’t major in communication during my time at USC, but I want to say that I’ve been alive long enough to know how conversations work, even without having studied the concept formally. Now, maybe I’m oversimplifying how this works, but bear with me on this.

Person A says something to Person B. Person B reacts to what was said and eventually responds to Person A. Person A listens to what Person B said and again, reacts accordingly. This pattern goes back and forth until the conversation or interaction ends.

Often, I am criticized because of the way that I speak (usually because of the multi-syllabic words that I use), how I see and perceive things, and in some instances, because I listen and pay attention to others when they are talking to me. My perceptions, although they are mine and originate from my head, are regularly criticized. Apparently, I am in the habit of twisting the words of others. Again, my perception is often regarded as wrong and being wholly inaccurate.

If I intimidate anyone or give them the impression that they are somehow walking on shaky or uneven ground when they are talking to me, that is hardly anything that is my fault. People need to understand that when they are engaged in conversation with me, I will be listening and I will be ready to respond to whatever it is they are saying to me. I pick up on word choice, the content of what is being said, the tone being utilized, and how what they are saying to me makes me feel. It’s all a very active process and it all happens within a matter of seconds. To say that I manipulate the words of others’ is a weak accusation, because I don’t do that. If you said it, how can I manipulate it? I can only interpret what you said to the best of my ability, using my knowledge and understanding of the words that you just used, coupled with your tone. I listen to what is being said to me, have a reaction to it, prepare a response, and then respond. To me, it’s all a fairly simple process.

So, what happens in those rare instances where someone happens to rub me the wrong way or hurt my feelings? Of course, that could disrupt the course of conversation, which is a very normal thing and it does happen. This leads to questions being asked, for clarification purposes, as well as (hopefully) answers being provided to those questions. Hopefully, understanding soon ensues not long thereafter.

It has been my finding that people often rely on poor word choice, unintentionally and/or unknowingly, to convey what they’re trying to say. I am, by no means, a walking dictionary or thesaurus, but I know how to say things in a variety of different ways, depending on what it is I’m trying to communicate and how I wish to say it. Maybe I want to have someone feel a certain way after I’ve told them something? Maybe I don’t care how they take what I’ve told them? The point is, is that certain words can evoke certain emotions, whether I’m saying these words or someone else is saying them to me. But that’s the beauty of words. You can say things in a multitude of ways, be it clever, simple, or even complex. It’s all dependent on who is talking and what the intended message happens to be.

So, in the end, I end up being referred to as emotional or sensitive because I decide to express myself and elect not to sit back and just let things happen to me or allow people to say whatever they want to me. Indeed, when provoked, believe that I will respond and will do so, based on a variety of criteria of my choosing.

I hate arguing because with effective communication, arguments can be prevented and completely avoided. You have to want to avoid the argument.
Some people choose to run into the argument headfirst, without bothering to look up and assess the situation beforehand.