Never Paranoid

Rather than respond to a note using the little note system here, I decided to reply to my buddy “rav diablo” in a full-on entry and do his note response justice.  To help those of you who are stumbling upon this entry randomly and without any provocation, I have provided rav’s note to me down below in italics. 

Unbelievable. But it sounds like this woman is dealing with something on her own that is unrelated to you and your age. Maybe she suffers from some kind of paranoia that people are watching and judging her, or some anxiety related disorder. Don’t take it personally.

Maybe you could invite others in your office to dine with the two of you, so that she can see for herself that she isn’t being judged.

And for god’s sake, stop doing everybody else’s work!

For some background, rav noted on my last entry, aptly titled “Deemed Too Old?”.  Again, to make things easier for you, I’ve included the link to that entry – https://www.opendiary.com/m/peripheral_visionary/deemed-too-old-6283886/

I might have guessed that rav would have chimed in on that entry, being that he himself has had some challenges with a female who is a few years younger than he is.  Check out his diary and read for yourself what I’m talking about.  I have no reason to embellish.  He knows what he speaks.      

As far as rav’s note, I will say this. 

Paranoia is indeed something with which she struggles.  She’s not only told me this herself, but I’ve seen it.  I don’t want to say that it’s necessarily crippling for her, but she has let it take over her sometimes.  Rest assured that I don’t take it personally because indeed, it is something that I can’t control.  I am just grateful that I don’t have those issues.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have my issues, just like the next man, but damn, I’m so glad that paranoia is not one of them.  I don’t care about how others see me or what they think of me.  I have other things with which to occupy myself. 

As far as dining with her, even in the presence of others, I have given up on that.  I just don’t care anymore.  If people want to judge her or she wants to think that they’re judging her, she can think that all she likes and I will not get in the way of those paranoid thoughts.  In that regard, I’m just going to let her do her.  As I said in my original post, eating lunch with me was excellent, so long as no one saw us.  I’ve since returned to my baseline of eating lunch by myself at my cubicle.  People can judge me there all they like and I’ll never give a fuck.  It’s just a sandwich.  Get over it.    

I’ll do other people’s work, if doing so will allow me to continue to rack up the overtime.  Management absolutely loves my work and my efficiency, so I know they don’t mind.  The minute that there’s no overtime attached to doing others’ work, that’s when I’ll stop being altruistic.  I might love writing, but I’d prefer to do it with some kind of monetary compensation, especially when there is such compensation to be had.

rav, thank you for chiming in and for even reading my entry.  You know your notes and acknowledgement are always appreciated.

Know that there’s no paranoia here, not even a little bit.  Fuck that.