Lights Dim, Nobody’s Home

I work hard.  I have my moments of laziness too, but when it comes down to handling business and staying on my grind, I get things done.  My sense of pride does not allow me to do my work in a shoddy or half-assed capacity.  I will crank out quality, day in and day out, and the moment that I am suddenly unable to do so, for whatever the reason, I know it’ll be my time to hang up my cleats and retire.  I’m still several years away even sniffing retirement and where I am in my career, I am still functioning at a relatively high level. 

As I mentioned in at least one previous entry, I start my workdays very early.  Most mornings, while much of the world around me is still fast asleep, I am already at my computer at 4:45 and I’m grinding.  I’m an early bird and always have been.  I like being alone at that hour, where the office is quiet and I can focus and be productive.  Most people wouldn’t dream of voluntarily starting their day that early when they have no reason to do so, but here I am. 

For well over a year now, Binny has been starting his workdays at 5:30am.  People used to be so impressed by this, as the idea was that he was such a diligent and hard worker was definitely being floated around the office.  Not that I was jealous by this, but it did make me wonder why he was worthy of garnering all this attention for coming in early.  Most mornings, while I’ve already been working for nearly 45 minutes, Binny comes in, drops his crap into his cubicle, and he turns on his computer.  One might think that this man is ready to work and he’s getting in ridiculously early to get a handle on the day.  For a brief moment, I thought that.  Actually, for another brief moment, I genuinely thought that he and I had a similar work ethic.  Of course, after thinking that, I stepped back mentally and started questioning what exactly he does so damn early in the morning. 

I know what I do.  I’m writing reports, my own and of late, I’ve been writing reports for my co-workers.  Things have slowed down a bit to where I can spread myself out a little bit and help others with their work.  I don’t mind it most days.  Some people are genuinely appreciative of the help that I provide.  Others, I think, could care less and are taking advantage of me, but regardless, I’m still getting paid, so I don’t give a fuck.

So as early as 4:45am, I’m writing and plugging away, getting these reports written, proofreading others’ work, and correcting others’ writing/grammar/syntax like I was a ninth-grade English teacher.  Some might see that as work.  I think it’s fun and I enjoy it. 

I like to think that I have a reasonable grasp of the English language and it is this functional knowledge that helps me to do my job and helps me do it well.  A lot of my co-workers do not write particularly well.  Binny is one of these people.  You see, Binny does not speak English very well.  I’ve seen his writing and he doesn’t write English particularly well either.  With this knowledge, it made me wonder just what the hell he is doing at 5:30am when he gets to his cubicle. 

With his especially limited English skills, at first I assumed that he was coming in early to give himself more time to battle the language and do his work properly because he needed the extra time to figure out exactly he was trying to say and write.  It made sense.  If I struggled with English, I might want to come in early because I might need the extra time because of that struggle and in trying to get my words right.

At that hour, one could clearly hear the work that I’m doing because I’m just typing away and the clacking of my keys on my keyboard is very audible.  Some 40 feet away, all I ever seem to hear is silence.  Binny is rarely ever typing.  From my vantage point, I can see that his computer screen is on and it looks like he has a document up most of the time, but I seldom ever see him doing anything.  He’s not typing.  Often, I don’t even see him looking at his screen.  It has been the case many mornings where I can see that his head is down, leading me to believe that he’s actually sleeping.  Far be it for me to disturb someone who is asleep, but I can’t help but think that no one else is aware of this, except me.

Here I am, working diligently so early in the morning, while this mother fucker is dead asleep at his desk.  I know that there is little equity in my workplace, but for the life of me, I can’t fathom a situation where people should be getting paid overtime when they are clearly asleep and not cranking out any kind of product to prove their productivity.

Rest assured, I have many grievances at work, mostly with the way that people do their job and with the basic quality of the work that people do.  Some of those grievances might even be the source of future entries.  Still, without even trying, I inadvertently make people look bad because of the sense of pride that I put into my work.  I come in very early.  I usually do at least 12 hours most days.  I turn in quality writing every time.  I help others, even when I don’t get the sense that my efforts are appreciated.  Occasionally, I make people laugh.  It’s tiring, but this has been my reality for the past several months. 

I’ll tell you what I’m not doing.  I’m not coming in late most mornings and thinking that it’s absolutely hilarious that I can’t respect my assigned work schedule.  I’m not turning in bland or half-assed reports.  And I’ll be damned if I’m coming in early as hell every morning, falling asleep at my desk, and claiming overtime for work that I’m not doing.  I have way the hell too much respect for myself and somewhat of a decent work ethic to do any of that underhanded shit. 

I’m in the office to grind, not sleep.  Binny’s going to be caught one day.  He has to.  It’s only a matter of when. 

I just need to figure out how to do it.