Grabbing The Keyboard – Random Thoughts

For as long as I can remember, I had convinced myself that life is a lot less stressful when I stop caring about things.  I still believe that way today.  What continues to trip me up are those few, though seemingly random instances where I start to care about things, and for whatever the reason, I am consistently left in a state of disappointment.  Caring, at least for me, simply doesn’t pay off.  Devoting attention to things that simply don’t require it can not only be time-consuming, but it can also be very, very draining.  I need to refocus myself.  I need to get my mind right, as I tend to say.  I’ve been saying that to myself a lot lately.  I do though.  I need to get my mind right.

This isn’t necessarily focused on one thing in particular, but I’m thinking that now that my vacation is over, I can again get back into a routine, both physically and mentally, and delve back into my work life.  Once that routine is re-established, I can return to disregarding people and the distractions that many of them bring and just focus on the tasks at hand.  I think that after three weeks of being on vacation and not going into the office consistently, I lost my way somehow.  I lost my focus.  I allowed myself to become distracted.  For a brief moment, I succumbed to moments of weakness.

I write a lot for work purposes and I need to get back into that.  I know that everything will normalize with time, but I figure that at the very least, I can return to my work writing and transition back into that part of my work life relatively easy.  Everything else is just going to take time.

Lately, I’ve been having a difficult time getting to sleep and staying asleep.  Thankfully, I’ve been able to wake up in the morning and get my day started without any of the challenges that might accompany sleep deprivation, or I guess in my case, fragmented sleep.  I want to blame the ridiculously warm summer nights for my sleep woes, in that the heat is not conducive to any form of quality sleep for me.  Maybe it’s stress?  Maybe it’s because I have a lot on my mind?  Maybe I’m just not relaxing?  Again, somewhere along the line, I started caring about things and it messed me up, now in the sleep realm.

This is one of those disorganized entries that I will sometimes write.  It satisfies my need to write something and vent, though it also comes off as being sort of “all over the place”.  I didn’t have any kind of plan when I started writing this.  I just grabbed my keyboard and started typing whatever I felt.  This is the end result of my randomness.