Going Radio Silent

This is another one of my “grab the keyboard and just start writing” entries, so I apologize in advance if it doesn’t make sense. 

I don’t know where I go from here.  I just don’t know. 

I am genuinely on the brink of giving up completely.  I don’t mean that like in a suicidal kind of way, because as low as I feel, I want to make it very clear that I’m not THAT low.  This too shall pass.  Really, it’s just a matter of when.  But in the meantime, I remain conflicted. 

I told her that I didn’t want to talk to her tomorrow.  I really don’t.  Maybe that changes in the morning, but as of this writing, I don’t want to talk to her tomorrow.  She wants to make pity phone calls to me and for what?  What’s the purpose?  Why even bother to call me?  It makes no sense to me.

I am genuinely upset with her and I think what bothers me the most is that she doesn’t care.  She gets upset with me when I bring it to her attention that I know she doesn’t care.  Maybe she and I go back and forth on this, but again, as of this writing, I truly feel that she does not care. 

Tomorrow will be another day.  Tomorrow, I don’t envision myself talking to her.  Tomorrow I hope that I’m not as upset as I am right now.  I hope that tomorrow doesn’t suck because I have a ton of stuff to do and I’d like to get a good chunk of it done.        

I have reached a point where I just want to give up.  I know I said that earlier, but I still feel that way.

I want to focus my attention on my work and not her.  We’ll see how that goes.  I am hopeful.